Archive for: February, 2005

Interview with Wiley Wiggins * Actor

SM: What’s your first reaction to the sound of your name spoken out loud?

WW: I guess it’s usually a crapshoot between, fear, elation, or guilt at being elated.

SM: If you were to illustrate your great-great-grandchildren in the future, what would you make sure to include in your illustration?

WW: I’d make sure that they didn’t have to walk around in bodies made out of meat… Or at least could grow new ones if they messed theirs up.

KD: When was the last time you felt like all things around you were working together in unison?

WW: When my wife and I became engaged.

SM: What is something you always make sure to do in the wintertime?

WW: Sew together all the holes in the armpits of my sweaters.

SM: In the middle of the interview, an anecdote is requested.

WW: Once, while sitting on a bridge in Wurtzburg, an old woman told me I had beautiful hands and that I should never perform any manual labor with them. I took it to heart, but I would have rather she told me that I had a beautiful brain and that I should never work in an office. I think I would be happier.

SM: What is the most memorable thing that’s happened to you in a moving vehicle?

WW: I’ve had some unprintable events occur on a greyhound bus, but other than that, I’d prefer that nothing memorable happen in a moving vehicle, since most memorable events that happen in transit involve
visits to the hospital.

SM: Hypothetical: Let’s say there is a tree outside of time, and every root that feeds that tree is a moment in time that you have lived. Given the current moment you’re in, how well is that tree doing?

WW: Gnarly with the frustration of not being able to figure out what kind of tree it is, but otherwise leafy.

SM: How do you feel most days, just walking down the street?

WW: Like we’re all on the verge of some sort of cataclysm, or each day is settling into a sort of psychotic sameness that will only be interrupted by death. I wonder if everyone on the planet simultaneously lost their minds, if anyone would be able to distance themselves enough from the situation to realize we had all gone crazy.

Interview with Kimya Dawson * Musician

SM: When was the last time you did something without having any good reason for doing it?

KD: A couple of weeks ago some stranger on some message board put up a survey to see if people wipe sitting or standing. I have always been a stander and I was definitely totally content in my method. one day last week, for no good reason, I said “today I will be a sitter” so I did what is known in classy circles as “the sit down/reach around”. For no good reason. And I will never be the same again. What a difference sitting makes! Especially for a fat-assed broad like myself. The lean like that makes the butthole so much more accessible. The cheeks are spared streaking and the amount of paper necessary to get clean is minimized by “a lot”. My ass and the earth are happier all because of a whim!

SM: What do you want to happen to you this year?

KD: I want to put on a production of Annie that has lots of ugly orphans and cute dinosaurs in it. I want to audition and get cast as Annie. I will dispute my decision to have my character eaten off by a dinosaur but I will lose that fight, and my tragic death scene will be so touching that it will propel the show straight to Broadway and Whoopi Goldberg will see it and ask me if she can sing on my next record.

SM: If you were to illustrate yourself doing something your friends and associates have recommended you avoid doing, what would you be drawing?

KD: It would a lite brite drawing of myself pretending I am a Christian and getting knocked up by a preacher and then saying “just kidding- I am Jewish”. The Jewish part would be a joke too, but he wouldn’t know that. It would be really funny while I skipped off with our cute little atheist fetus growing in my belly. My friends don’t think I am stable enough to be a single mom. Pssssh. WHATEVER.

SM: When was the last time you felt like you didn’t want to stop moving?

KD: There was no last time.

SM: To what degree do you trust your dreams as messengers?

KD: Well, my dreams told me I could jump all the way down the stairs and land light in my loafers at the bottom. so when i was like 11 my family had just gotten back from Rhode Island and the litter box had 3 days and six cats worth of pee and poo in it so i tried to jump down the stairs to dump it but i couldn’t really jump down the stairs like my dreams had said and i ended up crumpled on the kitchen floor covered in gritty ass shit. SHIT. Stinky fucking catshits. all over my face and in my hair and trouser cuffs. But then this one time I kissed a gay guy while watching willow and he kissed me back. My dreams had told me I could do that too. sometimes they are trustworthy, sometimes not, but I’ll take a little crap in the face Monday if it means I get a little taste of gay man tongue on Saturday. Know what I mean?

SM: In the middle of the interview, an anecdote is requested.

KD: In 1987 I played “Jane” in an educational film about self esteem, shown in health classes around the country. I played the girl with great self esteem. But in reality I wanted to kill myself.

SM: If you woke up to find all the clocks running backwards, and the people around you going backward with them, how would you spend your day?

KD: Peeking over the tops of stalls, watching the poop go back up people’s butts.

SM: When was the last time you felt you completely understood something?

KD: Thursday.

SM: If there was a door someone could open and see inside your head, what would someone have to say in order to open it?

KD: Little pig, little pig….

SM: Please compose a brief poem or haiku on the subject of your choosing.

my true forte is
writing period haikus
in my live journal