Archive for: April, 2011

The Devil’s Art Director

As it turns out, the first season of The Twilight Zone from 1959 is not just good, it’s incredible. Nerds losing their glasses after the apocalypse, drunk gunslingers drinking magic fate powder, robot wives getting shot in the face on asteroids, not to mention the devil! And this is in the first five episodes.

In the episode ‘Escape Clause’, when the devil stamps his awesome logo on the contract for that hypochondriac’s soul, it made me graphic-design-nerd out. I wonder who designed that for him? A sinful, evil art director? Also, ‘Escape Claus’ would make a good movie about a man who absolutely does not want to take on the responsibility of being Santa Claus. I’m not even going to Google this to see if it’s already an actual movie.

Speaking of things getting done to robots’ faces, I finally watched I, Robot seven years after it came out. Here’s what I don’t get- the background robots look beautiful and the main robots look dumb. There was one robot serving coffee that looked so cool he should have been trying to kill Will Smith instead of pouring him a latte. I bet when that robot was mixing up Will Smith’s coffee he was thinking, ‘I should throw this in his face.’ Anyway, the Alan Tudyk robot had a weird face like it should have been on the cover of a circa-1985 Commodore 64 programming manual grinning up at you like an idiot with a swirly pastel swoosh coming out of his dumb head.

Finally, the first two seasons of Sons of Anarchy are much, much better than I thought they’d be. Except I think they must have gotten a really good deal on a hospital set because I feel like 70% of both seasons take place in the same hospital waiting room and hallway. The whole cast is in there just wandering around the hospital. I don’t even think Nurse Jackie films this many scenes in a hospital. What’s even crazier is they have a special doctor in their biker clubhouse so they don’t have to go to the hospital to get stitched up. I hear Stephen King makes a cameo in Season 3, probably as a certified LPN or doctor or hospital janitor or hospital administrator.

Imperial Trouble Episode 23

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Sam and Jason discuss the first episode of the new Doctor Who season and unconventional casting choices for the perfect Leonard Part 6 prequel— followed by an in-depth analysis of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe episode “The Taking of Grayskull”.

Pirates of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides – Trailer

The barrel budget on this movie must be through the roof. The President of Disney is probably up all night, surrounded by bills from different barrel companies marked PAST DUE. “Jesus Christ, these barrels. Didn’t pirates ever go anywhere without a thousand barrels on their ship?” he mutters to himself. I guess if he goes broke from barrel costs he can at least wear a barrel instead of clothes.

Looks like Captain Jack Sparrow is still wearing eyeliner that doesn’t run or smear when he gets it wet. He should look like a bleary eyed raccoon escort with all the moisture and water he gets into. Plus fire and swords can’t be good for that effeminate fop pirate look, either. Eyeliner would have been worse about smearing back then, not better, right?

Guess it was only a matter of time before mermaids came into the picture. These mermaids look mean and sexy and pouty, like models that can breathe saltwater. I wonder if they have little mermaid iPhones they can use to take photos of themselves in their mermaid mirrors to upload to the mermaid internet. No way are you going to date these mermaids. They live in the water and they’re pretty, get out of here dumb pirates you don’t even have a cool Tumblr.

Hey, Ian McShane as Blackbeard! My grandmother gave me a book about Bluebeard once, who is one step removed from Blackbeard in the world of color-coded pirate beard names. As it turns out, Bluebeard murdered all his wives. They even made the color of the paperback blueish to match his beard and the watery grave to which he sent the heads of his wives. I guess the book must have taken some liberties with the story of Bluebeard because I went to Wikipedia and it doesn’t seem like he got involved with the sea at all.

Ian McShane was great in Deadwood, and so was Timothy Olyphant. I think if they ever remake Stephen King’s The Stand they should cast Timothy Olyphant as Stu Redman and Nathan Fillion as Randall Flagg. Anyway, Pirates of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides doesn’t look any better or worse than the other Pirates of the Caribbean movies. One time I tried to watch them all in a row during a USA Network marathon and got sick of the beach even though I hadn’t been to the beach in a year.

Born To Be Wild (Trailer)

I think it’s actually illegal now to have a movie about baby animals or endangered animals and not have Morgan Freeman do the voice work for it. In fact, I think it’s against the law to even mention an exotic animal in a movie without being Morgan Freeman. If you’re talking about baby monkeys, you damn well better sound like “Red” from The Shawshank Redemption or you’re going to animal jail. Which I guess is just the zoo.

When I was a kid I went to the zoo and saw a monkey giving another monkey a bath in a clawfoot bathtub. “They’re just like us!” I thought. Later, I learned that monkeys rarely have elegant bathtubs. Which is a shame, because I was planning to open a Banana Bath & Beyond. If you could read that anecdote in Morgan Freeman’s voice I’d appreciate it because I don’t want to get into legal trouble.

Imperial Trouble Episode 21

Imperial Trouble Episode 21

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Beau Brown, Matt Nitchie and Patrick Freeman, the creative team behind Bob and Carl: Sci-Fi Janitors, visit the Imperial Trouble studios to discuss Muppets, the Center for Puppetry Arts, Dragon*Con TV, unairable skits, Mister Rogers versus the Senate, Snuffleupagus and what it would take to make a good Superman movie.

Imperial Trouble Episode 20

Imperial Trouble Episode 20

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Matthew Young and Jared Young, creators of Galactic Perry’s Learning Starship, join Sam and Jason in the Imperial Trouble studios to discuss Perry Con, Goonies, Benjamin Franklin and orgies. The Mayor of Fingertown and Gary the puppet break in and wreak havoc.