Ever heard the saying, “You aren’t supposed to rob the bank on the corner next to that hipster coffee shop that’s across the street from the old coffee shop that opened up like 10 years ago but now no one really goes there except for the people that work in the building above it and are running late for a meeting so they just pop in really quick instead of walking across the street to the cool coffee shop, especially because they had that awkward conversation there with that cute, tattooed barista chick last week where he tried to ask her out but had cream cheese on his cheek when he went up for a refill and she called him out but still kinda smiled, but it was that kind of ambiguous smile where he can’t tell if she was smiling like ‘aw, cute’ or like ‘haha, look at this d-bag with cream cheese on his face wearing his pleated khakis’ even though it was laundry day and those were the only pants he had that were clean and besides that he didn’t realize they were pleated until he got them home after he bought them on sale and tore the tags off so he couldn’t return them? Even though they were in the stack of flat-front khakis?”
Yeah, don’t rob that bank because the cool, tattooed barista chick might do her banking there and be able to identify you because you somehow managed to forget to do laundry AGAIN and are wearing those tell-tale khaki pants. Not to mention the trademark cream cheese schmeer on your creepy clown, robber mask.
No? That’s not a saying? Wait, what were we talking about?
A series of questions:
- Why does Denzel look like an old blues singer?
- Is this The Other Guys 2?
- Where’s Will Ferrell?
- Did you know the heist movie featuring creepy robber masks was still a thing?
- And finally—why do actors ALWAYS FLINCH when they shoot the prop gun full of blanks?
Jesus, Marky Mark, sack the fuck up.
I wanna dedicate this review to my dick. Thank you and have a blessed day.
In theaters August 2.