Archive for: October, 2013

The Real Witchcraft Was Making A Pot-Bellied Jack Nicholson Seem Like A Viable Candidate For A Foursome: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Witches Of Eastwick”

The Real Witchcraft Was Making A Pot-Bellied Jack Nicholson Seem Like A Viable Candidate For A Foursome: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Witches Of Eastwick”

In which Jason and Nick Tecosky of WRITE CLUB Atlanta review the trailer for The Witches Of Eastwick.

JASON

Hi, Nick.

Was dating in the 80’s so difficult that women had to resort to witchcraft? I guess being a modern single lady isn’t so bad after all!

Asexual European, Often Blue: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Smurfs: The Legend Of Smurfy Hollow”

Asexual European, Often Blue: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Smurfs: The Legend Of Smurfy Hollow”

I was just about to leave the party when Papa Smurf showed up with Smurfette and a Mason jar. Not that it wasn’t a nice party. Or a nice house. But, I had already done the tour twice and had already heard about how there wasn’t very much built-in lighting.

Holding A Butt With A Dead Man’s Hand: Waiting For The Light To Turn With Big Sean’s “Dance (A$$) Remix Ft. Nicki Minaj”

Holding A Butt With A Dead Man’s Hand: Waiting For The Light To Turn With Big Sean’s “Dance (A$$) Remix Ft. Nicki Minaj”

I’m waiting to turn left on the corner of Freedom Parkway and Ponce de Leon Avenue, when a man approaches my car and taps on my window. He motions for me to roll my window down. I just look at him. I don’t even turn down the radio, so he scowls and continues to move his lips soundlessly on the other side of the glass, as I continue to say, “What? What?!”

Nothing Except Snakes, Of Course: An Essay Inspired By The Trailer For “Nothing Left To Fear”

Nothing Except Snakes, Of Course: An Essay Inspired By The Trailer For “Nothing Left To Fear”

I had never known Whit to be a prankster, but nothing else explained why there was what appeared to be a decent-sized snake hanging inside my window. Very funny, Whit.

El Maestro Becomes El Estudiante, Indeed: A Review Of The Trailer For “Ender’s Game”

El Maestro Becomes El Estudiante, Indeed: A Review Of The Trailer For “Ender’s Game”

In which Kate Sweeney and Hilary Kelley discuss the trailer for Ender’s Game.

HILARY

Kate, I know we’ve been dancing around it for a while, now, but it’s time we did something about this trailer. In fact, I think this movie came out in the theaters, went to DVD, and was even put out on VHS for a limited run. And still we sat here, and still we said nothing.

That’s Just My Morally-Objectionable Baby Daddy: A Review Of The Trailer For “Delivery Man”

That’s Just My Morally-Objectionable Baby Daddy: A Review Of The Trailer For “Delivery Man”

In which Johnny Carroll and Winston Blake Wheeler Ward review the trailer for the Vince Vaughn “What am I going to do about all these babies?!” movie Delivery Man.

WINSTON

So, the question Delivery Man proposes is this: How would you react if you found out that your discarded sperm had been used to impregnate hundreds of women? I’m going to direct the question at you, Johnny.

Devil May Care: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Care Bears Movie 2: A New Generation”

Devil May Care: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Care Bears Movie 2: A New Generation”

Before we had a kid, my wife and I did some research about the best way to raise children in an interfaith family. There seem to be a number of spiritual hazards, not the least of which is confusing your kid to the point where they eventually reject their comparatively liberal, mostly Jewish upbringing and jump off the theological deep end, handling snakes, embracing polygamy, ritualistically eating peyote in backyard sweat-lodges or injecting, without irony, the phrase “Whore of Babylon” into conversations with uncomfortable coworkers.

Davy Jones’ Bare Little English Thighs: Catholic School, Sex Ed, And The Little Prince

Davy Jones’ Bare Little English Thighs: Catholic School, Sex Ed, And The Little Prince

In 1989, I was a fourth grader at the Immaculate Heart of Mary school in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio. For some inexplicable reason, the Catholic grade-school version of sex education had been added to the curriculum that year. Life is confusing enough when you’re 9 years old; throwing God and sex into the mix concurrently was more than my tender, dweeby little soul could process.

Like A PayPal Made Of Guns: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Secret Of The Sword”

Like A PayPal Made Of Guns: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Secret Of The Sword”

In which Jason and Chris Alonzo review the trailer for The Secret Of The Sword.

JASON

Hey, Chris.

Did you notice that the world of He-Man and She-Ra seems like a violent, Cormac McCarthyian place? Every character in The Secret Of The Sword seems to be shooting a laser, firing a crossbow, or clanging a sword against something. People seem to literally be firing wildly into the air at all times on Eternia. At one point someone fires a bolt of energy at an unarmed king seated at a dinner table. Is there no cornbread for old kings?!