SM: If you woke up one morning to find the citizens in the city where you live had vanished, what album would you like to hear that day?
DC: The soundtrack to “Free to be You and Me”
SM: What is the last work of art, photography or visual imagery that really made a strong impression on you?
DC: The picture in the LA Times yesterday of the man carrying his dead, bloody mess of a kid from the rubble in Iraq.
SM: What is your first reaction to the sight of a city skyline?
DC: Depending on the city and whether I’m coming or going, either peaceful contentment or slight anxiety.
SM: If you were given the chance to know one thing for a day that no one else knows, and forget it at midnight, what new knowledge would you spend the day with and what would you do with it?
DC: The year that the Red Sox will win the World Series. I would tell as many people as I could and I would secure season tickets for that year. I would write myself notes telling myself that “This was the Year. I know it!” Then I would bet like a madman with every NY Yankee fan I know and get it in writing.
SM: Please indulge us in an anecdote.
DC: Just a random anecdote? Uh…one time I got poison ivy on my cock. How’s that?
SM: What is the most memorable thing you can recall from your days on the road?
DC: “My days on the road”? You make me sound like a debilitated old man reminiscing from my death bed. I remember mostly the comedy condo where everyone would bunk and you would see first hand the depraved sad debauchery of the life of the constantly travelling third rate “entertainer”.
SM: What is your first reaction to the sight of trees covered in kudzu?
DC: I LOVE kudzu. It makes me think of a fictionalized version of me when I was a kid. I remember soft, pleasant times of a childhood that may or may not have existed (but lives on in my head). I think of looking down at a pair dirty grass stained Keds as I traipse across a back lot with weeds poking up through cracked cement and bits of broken glass strewn about as I cross over to the woods to meet up with my friends down by the creek who are gonna light off firecrackers that Scott McNeely brought back from South Carolina.
SM: What is the most common thing most people (i.e., strangers, your fans) seem to want from you, and what would you rather them have?
DC: My undevoted attention and time. I would rather they have my twelfth grade yearbook.
SM: Hypothetical Situation: You blacked out and don’t remember the last ten minutes, but now you find yourself in a tree holding an ice cream cone, with a man on the street yelling that you stole his ice cream right out of his hand. How do you resolve the situation?
DC: I climb down from the tree, apologise profusely and earnestly ask him what the fuck just happened. That I swear I have no recollection of anything and to appear as innocent and harmless as possible. I don’t even like ice cream.
SM: Please compose a haiku on a subject of your choosing.
DC:
The People breath in
They find themselves at a loss
They want a recount