All posts by Ben Arnold

Battleship

Battleship

In which Jason and comedy writer Ben Arnold have a profanity-laced discussion about the trailer for the movie Battleship.

J: I always knew that mankind would be crushed by enormous balls of steel, but I always assumed they’d be metaphorical, and attached to Hollywood’s elder statesman, Clint Eastwood. So I guess Liam Neeson and Rihanna are trapped behind a force field of ocean water in naval uniforms? I imagine this is the kind of thing that happens to people who get trapped in Kanye West’s saltwater pool. Is it just me, or do the aliens in Battleship look like they’re wearing Daft Punk helmets?

Perfect Sense

Perfect Sense

In which Jason and comedy writer Ben Arnold discuss the trailer for the movie Perfect Sense.

J: The good news is, Ewan McGregor and Eva Green fall in love. The bad news is, the world is ending. There’s a virus that’s robbing people of their senses, starting with smell. Although I guess this means that Oscar the Grouch is finally going to get to have sex. I hope he gets to have sex with Ewan McGregor, come to think of it. Ewan McGregor will be all, “Listen, Eva Green— I know you’re a beautiful woman, and our love transcends the apocalypse, but now that I no longer possess the senses to determine if this grouchy puppet who lives in a trashcan stinks or not, I am really going to lay into him with my penis.” That’s what people who have sex usually say, right? “I’m going to lay into you with my penis.”

Can We Talk About The Trailer For “Prometheus” For A Minute?

In which Jason and comedy writer Ben Arnold discuss the trailer for the movie Prometheus.

J: In space, no one can hear you scream. Which is why it is so difficult to get ice cream in space. I mean, I screamed, you screamed, we all screamed for ice cream. And the void of space was indifferent to our collective calls for sweet iced cream. Now gelato on the other hand—very easy to get in space. You can’t throw a moon rock in space without hitting a gelato stand, usually with some kind of gloopy tentacled monster trying to sell you a mint raisin sorbet. Speaking of gloopy tentacled monsters, looks like there’s a little space trouble happening for the characters in Prometheus. There are a ton of shots in the trailer of people looking dismayed in space helmets.