All posts by Randy Osborne

Lust, Caution: The Way We Were

Lust, Caution: The Way We Were

I scan the wall. It’s lined with light bulbs between the rows of magazines, like on a marquee. My eyes land on one of the glossy covers. A woman faces out. She has sandy hair to her shoulders. Her green eyes flash. Her teeth gleam in a broad smile, perfect. She looks like Olivia Newton John.

Watch Dogs: God Will Give You Blood To Drink And Cracklins To Pray Into

Watch Dogs: God Will Give You Blood To Drink And Cracklins To Pray Into

In which Jason and Randy Osborne review the trailer for Watch Dogs.

JASON

Hey, Randy.

I wonder what it’s like to have people eat sushi off your naked body. The lady in the trailer for Watch Dogs seems pretty bored with it. She might as well be playing Candy Crush on her phone. Kind of looks like they just threw a bunch of sushi rolls on her butt and called it a day.

WatchDogs_sushi_2

She’s probably lying there thinking, “Well, guess I’m a plate now. Nothing left to do but lie perfectly still and let this creepy businessman do his thing. This is fine mess you’ve gotten us into, nudity.”

The Cold Light of Day

The Cold Light of Day

In which Jason is joined by Randy Osborne, the originator of Atlanta’s $10 literary art mystery, for a review of the trailer for The Cold Light of Day.

J: Don’t ever leave your family on a boat. Or they’ll definitely get kidnapped. Take it from Henry Cavill. And Cap’n Crunch. Why do you think he battles the Soggies every day? Because they took his family. Look closer, Cap’n Crunch. The Soggies are your family. Cap’n Crunch’s family has Stockholm Syndrome! They’re totally on board with being soggy milk people. They love it. And that’s what burns Cap’n Crunch up inside.