All posts by Tony Jenkins

Commando:  Let Me Say A Word Or Two About Freedom Williams

Commando: Let Me Say A Word Or Two About Freedom Williams

In which Tony Jenkins and Bryan Cole review the trailer for Commando.

BRYAN
“Let’s party”…

Hell yeah, let’s party. Speaking of which, did you see how buff Freddie Mercury was there? Hard to believe he died of AIDS just a few years later… Or was it still called GRID then? Either way, dude really knew how to take it to ol’ Arnie.

I’m kinda amazed that no one talks about his performance in this movie. Do you think he and the Arnz became blood brothers on the set? Why was that such a thing back in the 80s? Blood brothers…what the fuck?!

Here’s The Elevator Pitch: Cousin Larry In Assless Yellow Pants

Here’s The Elevator Pitch: Cousin Larry In Assless Yellow Pants

It’s really hard to watch Prince’s “Batdance” video online. Why? Because Prince hates the Internet. No, seriously, he hates it. Even more than he hates writing “You” instead of “U.” A few years ago he even proclaimed, “The Internet’s completely over.” And whenever Prince is not busy recording underwhelming albums, he scours said Internet to find unauthorized postings of his music, videos and images, then sics his legal team on the offending parties. He’s even gone after fan sites. Not Bronson Pinchot fan sites, mind you, but PRINCE fan sites! And it’s not just images of himself he wants removed, he also demands that photos taken by fans of their Prince-inspired tattoos be taken down.

The Purge: To Be Fair, Aaron Sorkin Considered Making “The West Wing” About Getting To Third Base With Hobos

The Purge: To Be Fair, Aaron Sorkin Considered Making “The West Wing” About Getting To Third Base With Hobos

If one night a year all crime was legal, what would you do? I’m having a tough time answering that question. I guess I could rob a bank, although I imagine that’s what most people will be doing and there are few things I hate more than big groups.

SuperCapitalist

SuperCapitalist

In which Tony Jenkins and Bryan Cole review the trailer for SuperCapitalist.

BRYAN

Sooo… isn’t the point of a trailer to show a potential audience some of the premise of a movie? All I got from the trailer for “SuperCapitalist” was animated money, slo-mo dice rolling, a “Vision Quest” run across a bridge, and yelling into cell phones with some dramatic music to tie it all together. Oh, and fire-money, lots of fire-money. Call me crazy, but I don’t think a so-called “SuperCapitalist” would be caught dead running on a public, taxpayer-paved street, let alone set fire to a briefcase full of cash. Unless, of course, the dude was about to light up 10,000 cigars. In which case, that wasn’t a briefcase full of cash; that was a briefcase full of baller-matches.

Ted

Ted

In which Tony Jenkins and Kristina Ackerman of Knuckle Salad look back on the trailer for the movie Ted.

KRISTINA

Seth MacFarlane has made a movie about a kid who wishes his teddy bear to life, and 27 years later, when he’s ready to get serious with a girl, he begins to regret inviting a talking toy into his home.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

In which Tony Jenkins and Bryan Cole review the trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

TONY

I used to love playing with GI Joe action figures when I was a kid. By playing with them, I mean burning them in my family’s backyard grill, prompting my neighbors to continually ask, “Can you smell what the weird, fat kid down the street is cooking?”

The Bourne Legacy

The Bourne Legacy

In which Jason and comedian Tony Jenkins discuss the trailer for The Bourne Legacy.

J: I’ve only seen one of the Jason Bourne movies, and I fell asleep in the theater halfway through it. What I do know is that people are frequently chasing Jason Bourne and shooting at him. They should probably stop chasing him. He’s essentially The Gingerbread Man of amnesiac spies. The story of The Gingerbread Man is actually pretty crazy. He leaps out of an old woman’s oven, gets chased by some barnyard animals and then dies in the jaws of a fox. Is this what life is all about? You’re the world’s first sentient cookie, magically endowed with the powers of speech and reason, and everyone on the planet just wants to eat you. What if that talking cookie was the next cookie Dalai Lama? Then again, he did look pretty delicious. I guess this explains why some people call Ashton Kutcher “The Gingerbread Man”, because he also came to life in an old woman’s oven. Anyway, this movie doesn’t even have Jason Bourne in it.