All posts by Tony Jenkins

Here’s The Elevator Pitch: Cousin Larry In Assless Yellow Pants

Here’s The Elevator Pitch: Cousin Larry In Assless Yellow Pants

It’s really hard to watch Prince’s “Batdance” video online. Why? Because Prince hates the Internet. No, seriously, he hates it. Even more than he hates writing “You” instead of “U.” A few years ago he even proclaimed, “The Internet’s completely over.” And whenever Prince is not busy recording underwhelming albums, he scours said Internet to find unauthorized postings of his music, videos and images, then sics his legal team on the offending parties. He’s even gone after fan sites. Not Bronson Pinchot fan sites, mind you, but PRINCE fan sites! And it’s not just images of himself he wants removed, he also demands that photos taken by fans of their Prince-inspired tattoos be taken down.

The Purge: To Be Fair, Aaron Sorkin Considered Making “The West Wing” About Getting To Third Base With Hobos

The Purge: To Be Fair, Aaron Sorkin Considered Making “The West Wing” About Getting To Third Base With Hobos

If one night a year all crime was legal, what would you do? I’m having a tough time answering that question. I guess I could rob a bank, although I imagine that’s what most people will be doing and there are few things I hate more than big groups.

The Bourne Legacy

The Bourne Legacy

In which Jason and comedian Tony Jenkins discuss the trailer for The Bourne Legacy.

J: I’ve only seen one of the Jason Bourne movies, and I fell asleep in the theater halfway through it. What I do know is that people are frequently chasing Jason Bourne and shooting at him. They should probably stop chasing him. He’s essentially The Gingerbread Man of amnesiac spies. The story of The Gingerbread Man is actually pretty crazy. He leaps out of an old woman’s oven, gets chased by some barnyard animals and then dies in the jaws of a fox. Is this what life is all about? You’re the world’s first sentient cookie, magically endowed with the powers of speech and reason, and everyone on the planet just wants to eat you. What if that talking cookie was the next cookie Dalai Lama? Then again, he did look pretty delicious. I guess this explains why some people call Ashton Kutcher “The Gingerbread Man”, because he also came to life in an old woman’s oven. Anyway, this movie doesn’t even have Jason Bourne in it.