Category Archives: Review

Make America Grimace Again: A Review of Trump’s McDonald’s Commercial

Make America Grimace Again: A Review of Trump’s McDonald’s Commercial

In which Jason Mallory and Chris Alonzo review Donald Trump’s McDonald’s Commercial from 2002

JASON

That’s right, Chris—future President Donald Trump is holding a private meeting with McDonaldland’s arguably dumbest resident Grimace in his office at the top of Trump Tower. He seems to think that Grimace is responsible for McDonald’s pricing and business strategy?!

I Hope Yuh Comprehend—A Review of Simply Red’s “Stars”

I Hope Yuh Comprehend—A Review of Simply Red’s “Stars”

In which Jason and The Tusk’s Nate Waggoner send their future into clearer dimensions by reviewing the video for Simply Red’s Stars.

JASON

Hey Nate! I wanna fall from the stars straight into YOUR arms! Just like that Red Bull astronaut. Remember him? Felix Baumgartner literally fell 128,000 feet from the stars and he didn’t have the common courtesy to aim for the lead singer of Simply Red!

Nick & Myke’s #2 – Stuck To Our Guns, Shooting The Moon

Nick & Myke’s #2 – Stuck To Our Guns, Shooting The Moon

Myke Johns and Nick Tecosky are the producers of WRITE CLUB Atlanta. In an ill-conceived bid to remain hip and relevant and also to vent their anger and bile at people who actually are hip and relevant, they have devoted themselves to reviewing #2 hits on the Billboard charts.

For the week of March 17th, the #2 hit on the Billboard Hot Country chart is:

Florida-Georgia-Line-Heres-To-The-Good-Times-This-Is-How-We-Roll

NICK
It was nighttime, in the Summer, and I found myself on the outskirts of Valdosta, Georgia. The air was thick with the oppressive humidity of early August and I was dizzy on the symphony of crickets and bullfrogs and the sickly-sweet taste of my first sip of Southern Comfort.

Nick & Myke’s #2 – A Perfect Storm Of Hot Pink Dust

Nick & Myke’s #2 – A Perfect Storm Of Hot Pink Dust

Myke Johns and Nick Tecosky are the producers of WRITE CLUB Atlanta. In an ill-conceived bid to remain hip and relevant and also to vent their anger and bile at people who actually are hip and relevant, they have devoted themselves to reviewing the #2 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

For the week of March 10th, the #2 hit on the Billboard charts is:

katy_art

NICK
So, a crazy long time ago, Cleopatra committed suicide. Maybe. Maybe she was murdered by Caesar Augustus. If she did in fact commit suicide, it was by asp, which is a kind of snake. Maybe. I mean, yes, an asp is a kind of snake, but maybe she didn’t use one to commit suicide, which she almost certainly possibly did (unless of course she was murdered) according to the people who would know that kind of thing.

Fear Boners And Hyborian B-Movie Hell: Sexual And Gubernatorial Awakenings In The Trailer For “Red Sonja”

Fear Boners And Hyborian B-Movie Hell: Sexual And Gubernatorial Awakenings In The Trailer For “Red Sonja”

In which Lauren Traetto of Vouched Books and FANZINE and Casey Childers of WRITE CLUB San Francisco review the trailer for Red Sonja.

LAUREN

I love it when a trailer includes mention of “the world’s greatest evil”—it’s like the ‘80s movie version of Buzzfeed’s clickbait titles. Judging from this clip, the world’s greatest evil is a second-string dominatrix out of a George Michael video, inexplicably ruling over a bunch of soldiers from Tang Dynasty China.

Nick & Myke’s #2: Happiness Is The Truth And The Truth Is Happiness

Nick & Myke’s #2: Happiness Is The Truth And The Truth Is Happiness

Myke Johns and Nick Tecosky are the producers of WRITE CLUB Atlanta. In an ill-conceived bid to remain hip and relevant and also to vent their anger and bile at people who actually are hip and relevant, they have devoted themselves to reviewing the #2 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

For the week of February 17th, the #2 hit on the Billboard charts is:

Pharrell_Happy

MYKE
Comrades, I salute you. Our journey has been long and you have each shown the courage and strength of character which befits your title. God and His divine provenance have brought us together on this day and in this place and as I stand before you, sun on my shoulders, I might even betray that I love you–each of you–like sons and daughters.

Nick & Myke’s #2: I Will Absolutely Stick My Hand Down The Front Of My Pants

Nick & Myke’s #2: I Will Absolutely Stick My Hand Down The Front Of My Pants

Myke Johns and Nick Tecosky are the producers of WRITE CLUB Atlanta. In an ill-conceived bid to remain hip and relevant and also to vent their anger and bile at people who actually are hip and relevant, they have devoted themselves to reviewing the #2 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

For the week of February 10th, the #2 hit on the Billboard charts is:

beyonce

NICK
When I was 14 years old, I had a small black and white television in my bedroom. Most of the time, I used it to watch reruns of M*A*S*H from midnight to 2am, but for a glorious half-hour every weekday afternoon, I locked my door and quietly watched Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I was too old for the show, and usually turned it off by the time they were fighting men in rubber suits, but there was a magnificent window of ten or so minutes wherein I could gaze upon the majesty of Amy Jo Johnson before she put on her Power Ranger costume and mask and became a faceless, sexless action figure. But for those few precious moments beforehand, I’d “express” my teenage fantasies. Ten minutes was more than enough time to “express myself” at least twice. I miss those Days of Potency. I really do.

Nick & Myke’s #2: The Apocalypse Will Be Sponsored

Nick & Myke’s #2: The Apocalypse Will Be Sponsored

Myke Johns and Nick Tecosky are the producers of WRITE CLUB Atlanta. In an ill-conceived bid to remain hip and relevant and also to vent their anger and bile at people who actually are hip and relevant, they have devoted themselves to reviewing the #2 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

For the week of February 3rd, the #2 hit on the Billboard charts is:

pitbull

MYKE

I’m sure there are a lot of pop songs about things falling down, but for some reason the first one that comes to mind is Fergie’s “London Bridge.” The only thing I remember from that song is a really loud drum beat and a million autotuned Fergies shouting about their London Bridges going down whenever I come around, wondering why that was, and suggesting through context that she rather liked it. That’s all I remember: drums, voice and that stupid chorus forever seared into my memory, probably in place of some cherished childhood memory.

Wear A Moustache And Stand In A Hole: Thoughts On “The Grand Budapest Hotel”

Wear A Moustache And Stand In A Hole: Thoughts On “The Grand Budapest Hotel”

Myke Johns and Kristina Ackerman discuss the trailer for The Grand Budapest Hotel.

MYKE

More than most things, I want for Wes Anderson to stop.

Keep Stabbing Things Until All Your Problems Are Solved: Thoughts On Brotherhood And “Hercules: The Legend Begins”

Keep Stabbing Things Until All Your Problems Are Solved: Thoughts On Brotherhood And “Hercules: The Legend Begins”

There is no tale more beautiful, no story more telling of humanity’s earthbound struggles, than that of two brothers, locked in eternal conflict as they embark on a rage quest to see which one can murder the other first and dominate the woman they’ve each claimed as their own.

Don’t Ask What The F Stands For: A Passionate Entreaty To The Omnicorp Board Of Directors On The Subject Of The New Robocop

Don’t Ask What The F Stands For: A Passionate Entreaty To The Omnicorp Board Of Directors On The Subject Of The New Robocop

[The following text is taken from the official transcript of the OmniCorp Board of Directors’ annual meeting in New York, N.Y., on Nov. 25, 2013, into which a wild-eyed Kevin Forest Moreau barged, uninvited.]

Esteemed members of the OmniCorp Board of Directors:

I present to you Alex Murphy. Husband. Father. Robocop. A franchise barely alive, following a couple of so-so sequels, a TV series no one saw, and even a cartoon. We can rebuild him, to once again serve as a cutting-edge commentary on aggressive police tactics, corrupt corporations, sensationalistic media and—to add some modern-day topicality—drone warfare.

Don’t Hold Your Breath: Considering The The Psychological Aftermath Of “LadyHawke”

Don’t Hold Your Breath: Considering The The Psychological Aftermath Of “LadyHawke”

In an interview with the Telegraph last week, Michelle Pfeiffer admitted that she was briefly involved with a cult back in the early 80s. I love the idea of tiny, ethereal Michelle gargling ram’s blood, branding initiates, and banging a gong while supervising subterranean orgies, but it wasn’t that kind of a cult. It wasn’t a cool cult.

The Song Goes Back To The Skeleton: Questions About Heaven Raised By “What Dreams May Come”

The Song Goes Back To The Skeleton: Questions About Heaven Raised By “What Dreams May Come”

In which Jason and Bobbin Wages discuss the trailer for What Dreams May Come.

JASON

Hi, Bobbin.

You know what a good superpower would be? The ability to take a song that’s stuck in your head, and put it back in the head of the person that wrote it. Send it back to the source, as it were. “Return to sender!” as Elvis would say. Or as he would hear over and over again in his own head, if I had my way. I wonder how my new superpower would work if the songwriter was dead. The song goes back to their skeleton, I suppose, to play out of their skull.

The Real Witchcraft Was Making A Pot-Bellied Jack Nicholson Seem Like A Viable Candidate For A Foursome: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Witches Of Eastwick”

The Real Witchcraft Was Making A Pot-Bellied Jack Nicholson Seem Like A Viable Candidate For A Foursome: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Witches Of Eastwick”

In which Jason and Nick Tecosky of WRITE CLUB Atlanta review the trailer for The Witches Of Eastwick.

JASON

Hi, Nick.

Was dating in the 80’s so difficult that women had to resort to witchcraft? I guess being a modern single lady isn’t so bad after all!