Three Deviled Eggs In A Big Red Basket: My Adventures In “Skyrim”
The first thing I did in Skyrim was join a group of warriors called The Companions. They turned out to be werewolves. Then I became a..
Video Games
The Horse Is A Biotic: Reviewing The “Mass Effect 3: Reinstated” Trailer With Everett Steele
In which Jason and Everett Steele, co-creator of Bon-Rappetite, discuss the Mass Effect 3: Reinstated Trailer. J: I haven’t seen a..
Essentially Nude Except For The Mortarboard: “Mass Effect” And Women I Have Known
My new female Commander Shepard in the game Mass Effect (also known as a FemShep) looks like a girl who got a standing ovation at a poetry..
Does The Rabbit Look Nervous: “L.A. Noire” Reviewed
Guys in fedoras, old fashioned soda ads, bar matchbooks in elegant fonts— this game has got em’! And a mostly accurate map of 1947..
The Spring Can Be Tricky: A Review Of “Kinect Adventures”
Okay. Okay. The Kinect. I finally bought one at Best Buy. The Best Buy guy was all, “You need to get the Geek Squad Black Tie..
Little Yarn Purses That Look Like Dragons: “Dragon Age II” Reviewed
In the first Dragon Age, you were literally saving the entire kingdom of Ferelden from a bunch of Darkspawn. You had to go around..
Portal 2
I have no idea what to say about this game. If Portal 2 was a president, it would be Abraham Lincoln. Everybody already knows about Abraham..
A drawing of Isaac Clarke from Dead Space 2
This is Dead Space 2 hero Isaac Clarke with the Marker- a terrible space rock that turns humans into bloodthirsty screeching claw monsters...
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II
Hey, Starkiller is back! But he’s a clone. The real one is dead, I think? Darth Vader can’t get enough of this guy! If I had an..
Dead Rising 2
Wow, I barely wrote anything at all last week. What was I doing? Eating ice cream. The whole time, just ice cream. Ice cream sounds good,..
Enslaved: Odyssey to the West
Enslaved: Odyssey to the West is about a criminal named Monkey with spiky bleached blonde hair and a bunch of muscles. Also, red makeup..
How I Accidentally Strom Thurmond’ed My Baby in Fable III
So my Fable III guy is running around the Fable III world being the brother of the king doing stupid quests and tickling townsfolk and..
Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare
John Marston is hanging out with his family when his uncle comes in and bites his wife. CHOMP! Sounds like a Flannery O’Connor short..
Dead Rising: Case Zero
Chuck Greene and his daughter get stranded in a small desert town. Chuck’s daughter needs medicine to keep from turning into a zombie..
Where Even the Water is Death (Red Dead Redemption)
The first person I met in Red Dead Redemption’s multiplayer mode shot me dead where I stood. I took two steps toward him like a..
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Starkiller from Star Wars: The Force Unleashed looks a little like my old college roommate, who coincidentally used to shoplift little Star..
Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Conviction
I bet when Tom Clancy pours gravy on his mashed potatoes, it’s out of a pistol. He keeps the butter in a pair of military issue..
Red Dead Redemption
I was playing Red Dead Redemption and I was sneaking up on a gang of bandits in a crouched position. I moved very quietly up a hill to get..
The Walking Dead Volume 1: Days Gone Bye | Half-Life 2
The Walking Dead Volume 1: Days Gone Bye Finally borrowed a copy of this from my friend Sam. Zombies in Atlanta? Hope André 3000 and Big..
He Don’t Dance Like Carlton (Mass Effect 2)
An evaluation of my second playthrough of Mass Effect 2, which I first reviewed in February. I played Mass Effect 2 as a woman this time...
Alan Wake
Author Alan Wake runs around in the woods waving a flashlight and shooting people. His manuscript is coming to life! There’s a mean..
Borderlands
I thought about Borderlands as I was drifting off to sleep the other night. In the game I was using my phasewalking ability to electrocute..
Halo 3: ODST
Nathan Fillion, Adam Baldwin, and Alan Tudyk did voice work for this game. That’s great! I love it when actors from my favorite..
Red Faction: Guerrilla
Imagine my disappointment when I realized this wasn’t Red Fraction Gorilla, the game about a math loving primate. He drives the..
The Saboteur
Man, the burlesque dancers in this game look a far sight better than the strippers in Grand Theft Auto IV. Could be their shapely unclothed..
BioShock 2
In BioShock 2 you play a Big Daddy, a genetically altered man in an atmospheric diving suit. You have a drill instead of a hand and the..
Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening
Alcott Aeducan rides again! Who would have thought a video game dwarf I named after my girlfriend’s cross eyed cat would have so many..
Fable II
This game was on sale for twenty bucks at Target. Twenty bucks! You can get paper towels, a jug of Hawaiian Punch and three frozen pizzas..
Dragon Age: Origins
This review contains spoilers. Much like my Mass Effect 2 character, I gave my Dragon Age character a sullen, swarthy appearance and named..
Mass Effect 2
In Mass Effect 2, Commander Shepard’s ship gets cut in half by a laser beam and his body gets fried up in space and he dies a..
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Well, Batman, looks like you’ve captured your brilliant mad arch-nemesis the Joker again. Where you gonna put him? Arkham Asylum?..
Game Review: Mass Effect
What a grim and melancholy game. Many missions send your character into the cruel and icy winds of hostile planets; over somber jagged..
Game Review: Strong Bad’s Cool Game For Attractive People Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner
What’s It About? You pay ten dollars to move some affable characters from a free internet flash cartoon around. Then the Wii..
Game Review: Ninja Gaiden II
This Game Is Crazy. I think the point where I found a set of double swords in the base of The Statue of Liberty is where it dawned on me..
Game Review: Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2
What Is It? An Xbox360 game. It lives on your Xbox. Your claw hand looking spaceship flies around and shoots at or avoids geometric shapes...
Game Reviews
Super Mario Galaxy: Look I’m a Bee. Now I’m upside down. Now I’m running up a robot’s legs so I can break his head...
Review: Wii Video Game, Sonic & The Secret Rings:
The mistake here is to give Sonic the Hedgehog a voice at all. On the Sega Genesis, many years ago, Sonic the Hedgehog jumped on metal pods..
Review, The Nintendo Wii
When Christmas rolled around, I was going to buy this for myself. I bought a smart phone instead. Now the Wii remains at the periphery of..
Review, Game & Place: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and The Land of The Dead
I played Oblivion for a week. I stole a horse and a guard killed me. Everybody seemed to get mad at me when I talked to them. A guy with a..
