SM: If we gave you a sackful of money and a pointy hat made of newspaper, how would you spend the rest of the day?
BS: Oh that’s easy. First I’d get a money stack organizer. Then I’d get my weener “taken care of”. After that I’d get calf implants in my pecs and vice versa. Then I’d exchange murders with a train stranger and finish the day with stabbing myself in the heart with my pointy hat.
SM: If you were a blues musician living in the Depression-era dust-bowl, what would be some of the titles of your songs?
BS: Oddly enough my senior thesis at music school was an odd collection of crappy pieces one was an instrumental blues tune called “Blue Honkey”. That’s a true story. Aren’t I great?
But here’s a list of depression era blues titles:
Double Ended Blues Dildo
I Got Murdered By A Jackoff Master On The Loose Blues
Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself Blues
SM: Please tell us something you want to know but haven’t found out yet.
BS: I’d like to know what that waiter mumbled to me, smirked, gave me my food and giggled and skipped off. What was he saying?
SM: What is your initial reaction to the sound of a needle dropping onto a record?
BS: “Murdering time.”
SM: Please regale us with an anecdote.
BS: One time I did this thing, evvvverybody was there and they loved it. I was at the what do you call it place. I couldn’t begin to try to recreate it. Though I’ll tell you I was smashing! People in Canada know that story!!!!!
SM: What was the last circumstance in which you found yourself that required adrenaline?
BS: Performing comedy.
SM: What was the last circumstance in which you found yourself that required intense concentration?
BS: A terrible audition for a fake reality show.
SM: If animals were guitars, what animal would you like to play?
BS: A newt or a squirrel, possibly a german guy. Haven’t made my mind up.
SM: If we were sending a treasure chest to the bottom of the ocean, what would you want to put in it?
BS: Milk and flowers. Simple and easy. Next question?
SM: Please recommend a way for us to recognize you in the land of sleep and dreaming.
BS: I’ll look much like Walter and Perry.