SM: What mode of transportation would you prefer to take from this life to the (supposed) afterlife?
DH: Shot from a cannon, wearing a cape and glittered helmet.
SM: If you know you have a losing hand in poker, are you the sort to bet high?
DH: Yes, which is why I don’t play poker.
SM: Do you have a lucky number?
DH: No, which is why I don’t play poker.
SM: When was the last time you noticed your own breathing?
DH: Right now. Thanks for reminding me.
SM: When was the last time something completely mystified you?
DH: When I was in New York last week I left my wallet in a taxicab. Two hours later the front desk at the hotel I was staying called my room. A woman found my wallet, saw the hotel key inside, and wanted to return it to me. When I hurried down to express my gratitude, she was gone. I actually had a copy of my book to give to her as a thank you gift.
SM: If you had to go two days without food or music, which would you pick?
DH: I’m one of those people that has to eat something every three hours, so I would have to reluctantly go without music for two days. Is humming allowed?
SM: Have you ever been infatuated with a photograph or painting?
DH: In college I was obsessed about Marcel Duchamp’s “The Bride Stripped Bare by her Bachelors, Even”, although I’m not sure if that qualifies as a painting. I’d explain the mechanics of the “painting” here, but I’m afraid I’d confuse you and myself in the process. Currently I’m infatuated with drawings by Jeff Ladouceur. Surreal, disturbing, comical. Imagine looking at old comic strips on acid.
SM: When was the last time you napped in the afternoon, and why?
DH: Yesterday. I’m one of those people that likes to nap. Looking forward to today’s nap. After I eat something, of course.
SM: Where are you going?
DH: I’m going to the bathroom in a couple minutes to brush my teeth. Tonight I’m going to my parents’. Next month it’s San Francisco.
SM: When you fog up a mirror and draw in the fog with your finger, whatever you write pops up again when someone else fogs it up. What do you write for the next person to see?
DH: You need an Altoids.