Interview w/ Maria Bamford

SM: Please create a fantastical creature for you to ride around on, and give it a name befitting it.

MB: A cloud of white Fur named Rajive.

SM: When was the last time you climbed a ladder?

MB: I climbed on my bed to examine my beeping fire detector several times a night for the past two weeks. My neighbor took it down for me yesterday and now it beeps from within a closet.

SM: Please recommend a four-word combination to banish ghosts.

MB: Be gone undead spirit!

SM: What is a circumstance that you’d like to find yourself in?

MB: In a yuppie hippie sustainable living compound/condo that has solar powered cable TV.

SM: Given that a big hypothetical prom is happening next week, whom will you ask to accompany you?

MB: My dog Blossom.

SM: Please describe an activity at which you are not very good, but that you hope to eventually be good at.

MB: Parliamentary debate and/or dealing with hecklers.

SM: Please describe an area of expertise you are willing to feign knowing something about to strangers

MB: Relationships.

SM: What is your first reaction to a roomful of strangers?.

MB: Hopeful panic.

SM: If animals could speak, what animals would you ask for advice, and why?

MB: Any animal on the Pet Psychic on how to get into showbiz.>

SM: What was your last encounter with a lunatic?

MB: The mentally ill surround me from within and without.