SM: If scarecrows are for scaring crows, what scares the scarecrows?
TH: Why, Lions, Tigers and Bears, of course!
SM: Barring yourself, what’s the best thing to come out of your hometown?
TH: The inspiration for the town in our show. That doesn’t really address your question does it? Well Christine Taylor grew up here and now she’s married to Ben Stiller. That seems like an accomplishment. I was in a production of The Wizard of Oz with her when I was 13. I see this interview grasping a theme.
SM: Why did they kick the devil out of comedy heaven?
TH: Comedy Heaven? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That sounds like a bunch of hoo-ha. Or a Comedy Central pilot.
SM: What’s the closest thing you know of to a religious experience?
TH: Laughing so hard that you can’t breathe and almost peeing your pants.
SM: Please recommend a phrase with which to win back our girlfriends, after a series of romantic misunderstandings, right before she boards a plane to England to marry that jerk.
TH: I am the last person you should ask for relationship advice.
SM: What was your last good deed?
TH: I took a high school kid to the office here and showed him how a cartoon gets made.
SM: What was your last encounter with a lunatic?
TH: If I told you about that encounter, it would get very uncomfortable around here.
SM: Regale us, please, with an anecdote.
TH: I’m trapped. all my good anecdotes would involve a) hurting someone’s feelings b) making me look like a fool or c) making me look like an alcoholic. I will recommend a good book full of antecdoes: Dylan’s chronicles. Real good. I’ll regale you with anecdotes when I’m 60 and not giving a fuck so much. If its relevant at the time. I imagine your website will have gathered a number of hits by then. I bet it will be regarded as one heck of a popular site, depending on whether or not, it’s your decision to continue posting new content. 50 years is a long time to continue to bring content to a site that has the potential to change on a daily basis, so I would reconsider your format, depending on whether or not you intend to stick out this project for that amount of time, based on, I assume the number of visitors or hits, you get on a daily or monthly basis, but I bet you have a method for determining whether or not that’s in your best interest.
Then of course there was the time I got my first cell phone. My first phone was a Sony. The year was 2000 and i was one of the first to get a phone. It was really big, but had a fine roundish shape to it. It suited me well for about a year. The phone company I was with let me know that I could upgrade my phone and i then did so. that phone did not last as long, but I remember my third phone. A classic black motorola, slim, functional, full of surprises! But even that phone wore out it’s welcome when the color screen caught my eye. I had to have one! Spare no expense! She’s with me to this day, it has some glitches though. I’m in the market.
SM: What was your last encounter with a stranger that you wish had been longer?
TH: I met a cutie at a free yoga class the other day. i don’t know how to reach her though. I guess I’ll have to take more classes.
SM: T.S. Eliot, C.S. Lewis and Wiliam Blake have invited you aboard their Space/Time machine. What sort of fanciful adventures do you have?
TH: I’d travel to the center of time, 1848!