SM: What sort of pirate would you be?
TB: Hmmm. I’ve never given this any thought. I don’t really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. Pirates…hmmm. They’re the people that do the “rrrrr” thing, right? I’d be the pirate who refuses to do the “rrrrr” thing. A contrarian pirate.
SM: Sometimes Buddha is portrayed as a somber and slender fellow intent on meditation, other times as a rotund smiling man bent on indulgence. Why do you suppose that is?
TB: Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days. Meditation is a blast, but sometimes you just want to kick bag with a bag of Doritos, a vodka and Red Bull (in a tall glass), listening to that killer Bright Eyes bootleg you borrowed from your friend Tommy!
SM: What were you doing around this time of year a decade ago?
TB: Same thing I’m doing now: TRAVELING THE WORLD RIPPING ROOMS APART WITH MY STUPENDOUS COMEDY!
SM: When was the last time a stranger yelled at you, and what did they yell?
TB: I assume you mean any sort of yelling, not necessarily a scolding. Probably something along the lines of “yo comedian!” I really can’t remember any recent yelling. But who knows what the future holds?!!!
SM: What was the most recent circumstance in a dream you had that left you completely baffled?
TB: A trait of mine that I’m particularly proud of is my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone. The only time I make an exception to this is if the dream involved the person I’m talking to.
SM: Do you have an arch-nemesis?
TB: I do, but I ain’t telling. Now everyone reading this is paranoid: “Holy shit! I might be Todd Barry’s arch nemesis!”
SM: What’s in your pockets right now?
TB: Keys to my apartment, my home comedy studio, and my comedy editing suite.
SM: What sort of cowboy would you be?
TB: Cowboys? Hmmm. They’re the one who go “rrrrr,” right?
SM: When was the last time you found yourself on the roof of a building?
TB: People in New York love having roof parties. “Hey everyone, let’s get drunk and stand around on my warped, unbarricaded roof! It will be dark out, so you won’t see the person you’re talking to! But we’ll be on the roof!!!!!”
SM: Regale us, please, with an anecdote.
TB: I once found a dirty syringe in my seat pocket on a flight to Denver. I know that’s not a fully realized anecdote but it’s all I’ve got now.
Todd’s new CD, “Falling Off the Bone” comes out Jan. 25th, on Comedy Central records.