Interview with Colm Mac Con Iomaire • Fiddle Player for “The Frames”

SM: If scarecrows are for scaring crows, what scares the scarecrows?

CMCI: Pteradactyls

SM: Barring yourself, what’s the best thing to come out of your hometown?

CMCI: Gallow’s humour.

SM: Why did they kick the devil out of music heaven?

CMCI: He/She couldn’t hold a tune.

SM: What’s the closest thing you know of to a religious experience?

CMCI: The birth of a child.

SM: Please recommend a phrase with which to win back our girlfriends, after a series of romantic misunderstandings, right before she boards a plane to England to marry that jerk.

CMCI: No, Stop, Don’t…… You deserve him. Oops..

SM: What was your last good deed?

CMCI: Foot massage to pregnant wife.

SM: What was your last encounter with a lunatic?

CMCI: See above…… no but seriously…..Probably last band rehearsal.

SM: Regale us, please, with an anecdote.

CMCI: A long time ago.. about ten years I suppose, The Frames were bizarrely invited to play at the Miss Soviet Union beauty pageant in the Ukraine. To tell the full tale would stray well beyond the bounds of an anecdote..suffice to say that we found ourselves in Kiev at a remote airfield boarding a1950’s style dc10(?) twin prop aeroplane resembling something out of Raiders of the Lost Ark.. with seats facing each other and a table in between like a train. We were headed for a small town on the Black Sea.
Before we took off, all passengers (25 or so)…were given a shot of vodka (as we found out case we didn’t land). Not being familiar with the safety procedures on that class of aircraft we decided it would be a good idea to locate our lifejackets in advance of taking off. Our guitarist at the time (Dave) reached under his seat and instead of a lifejacket pulled out a full size watermelon!!
It then became clear that we should either repent or get drunk fast.. We decided on the latter. Take off was more of a get off as we lurched slowly into the air. It wasn’t long before the mix of neat vodka and thoughts of Lynard Skynard and Buddy Holly broke out into a last party on earth/ sky sort of thing. As time passed, the party seemed to gravitate naturally towards the cock pit.. My abiding memory is of opening the cockpit door at one point and looking in to my right.. There, was Noreen O’Donnell (our then other singer), sitting on the knee of the co-pilot with her hands on the controls… and when I looked anxiously to my left.. the pilot turned around, waved both his arms in the air and said in russian what I instantly understood to be “Look no hands!!!
I decided at that point to resume my seat and carve a canoe out of that water melon…. The pilots of the plane(we were to find out later) were ex-russian airforce MIG pilots and were driving the aviation equivalent of a tractor….. it was the beginning of a very strange trip!

SM: What was your last encounter with a stranger that you wish had been longer?

CMCI: Our new Postman this morning…. maybe tomorrow…

SM: T.S. Eliot, C.S. Lewis and Wiliam Blake have invited you aboard their Space/Time machine. What sort of fanciful adventures do you have?

CMCI: We go greyhound racing in Narnia… where we are fed magic mushroom bhajis…We then we sail over the horizon in my watermelon canoe!