Interview with Daniel Robert Epstein • Interviewer

SM: If you were transformed into a tree tomorrow, where would you need to place your roots to survive?

DRE: I’ve lived in a lot of different cities in my life and visited three times as many but I’m a New Yorker. I’ve tried very hard to live in places like Santa Fe, Los Angeles and I grew up in Long Island but I always ALWAYS end up coming back to New York City. So if I needed to plant roots I would stretch and strain and crash my roots through the concrete lawn all the way down deep below Manhattan Island and that’s where I would stay.

SM: If you were heard to exclaim, “Don’t worry, we’re on an adventure.”, who would you likely be with and what would you likely be doing?

DRE: Last adventure I had was with fiancé Andrea and we did the stupidly insane trip of Venice, Italy, Prague then Amsterdam all in 10 days! It was wonderfully surprising and we learned a lot about one another and ourselves.
Before that my last adventure was all by myself on a trip to London, Paris then Edinburgh. It was fantastic. But if someone said that to me it would probably be me saying that to myself in my mind in a strange city and I would high on the pot.

SM: People once believed that it was a bad idea to wake someone suddenly, because their dreaming selves wouldn’t have time to get back to their bodies. If we were to wake you suddenly tomorrow morning, where would your dreaming self find itself in a hurry to get away from?

DRE: It’s funny because I don’t have dreams, I only have nightmares. I just had one the other night where I went to get a book off the top shelf of a tall bookcase and book after book just kept tumbling down on top of me.
My dream self very much would want to be in empty warm dry place free of any objects or people just like me in real life.

SM: What is an activity that you worry you will never get the hang of?

DRE: I’m terrible at cleaning my living space and there is a good chance I will never be any good at it. I don’t mean like dirt or insects. I mean, my books, DVDs and magazines.

SM: Please add an anecdote to our growing collection.

DRE: “What I don’t like is when mutant dogs with thumbs burn me with cigarettes.”

SM: What’s your first reaction to:
1.a stranger who looks like you?
2.a stranger who stares at you?

DRE: 1.Nothing. I barely even recognize myself when i look in the mirror. Usually people tell me I look like a friend of theirs. In fact I’m always bumping into this brazillian journalist who wants to show me a picture of some TV personality in Brazil. He was supposed to email me the pic but he never did.
2.I look back until they look away. I dislike it very much when people stare at me. It makes me very self conscious and then the anger comes in.

SM: Where do you go when you need to distance yourself from your daily routine?

DRE: It doesn’t get much better than a nap on the most comfortable of comfortable things, my bed.

SM: What do you think people see when they look at you for the first time?

DRE: A giant person. I’m a very big person with big hands. My look also really changed once I started wearing my glasses on a regular basis. I think people really started to take QUICK notice of my intellectual side.

SM: What album would you like to hear on the most important day of your life?

DRE: Music was never a huge part of my life but if you put on the first Mr.Bungle album and I’ll be air guitaring like nobody’s business.
Yeah please play the Mr. Bungle album on the most important day of my life.

SM: Please compose a brief poem or haiku on the subject of your choosing.

Monkeys throwing me
Friends unless they’re bad
No good fight monkeys

Read some of Daniel’s interviews here