Interview conducted via email.
SM: Please describe your most recent brush with danger.
PFT: I thought I was allergic to peanuts! False alarm. Totally psychosomatic. Now I eat peanuts by the shellful.
SM: Are you a good dancer? Please describe your style.
PFT: My dancing is not, how you say, so good. I only dance at weddings and only if I am sufficiently drunk. My style could best be described as Drunk Wedding, which also describes my martial arts fighting technique.
SM: When was the last time you had a memorable night in an unfamiliar city?
PFT: Oh, I’d have to say August 18th, 1999. I wandered the streets with two dear friends, passing a flask of fine old whiskey between us, talking of our hopes, fears and dreams, talking, laughing and, yes, even crying until the sun came up. Oh, and the city was THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS.
SM: If society encouraged men to wear make-up, how would you do yourself up?
PFT: Probably just a little lipstick, nothing too bold. I don’t need any eye makeup becaus I already have beautiful long lashes.
SM: What’s the craziest thing that ever happened to you at the beach?
PFT: I suffered a complete nervous breakdown. Pretty crazy!
SM: What was the first thing you thought when you woke up this morning?
PFT: “AGAIN with this.”
SM: What’s in your pockets right now?
PFT: A portal to Narnia. I think it’s Narnia? It looks all fantasy-y and whatever.
SM: Are you king of anything?
PFT: Well, I will be, if I could ever get this goddam SWORD out of this goddam STONE. Who even put this thing in here? Did they have to put it in there that deep? Thanks a bunch, guy (or girl, shouldn’t be sexist).
SM: When was the last time you took a gamble on something?
PFT: What time did you send this email?
SM: How would you recommend we recognize you in the afterlife?
PFT: Oh, you won’t see me there. I got a “to-haunt” list that’s longer than your arm. People are gonna be SORRY.