Caroline and Jackie: I Would Have An Easier Time If The Olsen Twins Were In This

Caroline and Jackie: I Would Have An Easier Time If The Olsen Twins Were In This

The biggest problem I have with this trailer is that the sisters look too much alike. I have no idea who’s the sick one, or whose birthday it is. Who’s the evil twin/good twin here? I would have an easier time if the Olsen Twins were in this. I already know which one of those girls is effed up. Thanks, Perez Hilton. [Ed note: I think we’d all have an easier time if the Olsen Twins were in everything. Movies, books, paintings, our DNA, our atoms—an infinity of Olsens showing us how the West was fun on a subatomic level. ]

What I get from this trailer is that a game of Spin The Bottle ruins a birthday party, and then someone does a really awkward dance. THAT is my kind of party. I have a deep affection for conflict; this is why I love reality television and confrontational Facebook posts.

There is only one thing I like more than conflict—when people embarrass themselves with awkward dances. This movie has all of that. Damn. Now, if it only had the Olsen Twins solving mysteries.

I guess the only thing that would make this movie better is if it had dance-fighting, maybe I should get into that. Like Capoeira, only slow and off beat. No flips or cartwheels. Just awkward, off-beat dance-fight swaying. [Ed note: If you master the art of fighting with awkward dance, are you not exhibiting a type of grace through your mastery? And now that you are graceful, does that not mean you have failed to master the art of awkwardness? And is not failing to master awkwardness the highest state of awkwardness? I think I just accidentally reached enlightenment. My God, it’s full of Olsen Twins.]

Do you think that Mary Kate, Ashley, and I could form some kind of dance/fight/sway/not-Capoeira team that also solves mysteries with a cowboy friend named Buddy? Maybe we could solve the mystery of who ruined this confusing party. [Ed note: Probably Buddy, he can’t dance-fight for shit.]

Caroline and Jackie was released in theaters on May 3rd.

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