Doctor Who Season 2

This review contains spoilers.

In season two Doctor Who fights the devil inside a big asteroid next to a black hole. The big red monster with horns kind of devil, with the scales and the magma and the rocks for skin and the yowling and grunting and the big iron manacles in a pit of fire. Seems to me if you wanted to imprison the Prince of Lies you’d go a little further than slapping a couple of big space handcuffs and chains on him. Maybe some prison bars made of lasers and a straitjacket, too. Also a gag so he doesn’t do any of that lying and seducing he’s been perfecting since the dawn of time. Spare no expense to keep that devil locked up, I say.

You know who else shows up? Daleks. Can’t keep a Dalek away from Doctor Who. When I say “Doctor” you say “Dalek”! The Doctor is always so surprised to see Daleks. “Daleks? I thought I killed the last Dalek! I even killed the Dalek emperor! I can’t believe these f**kers are still alive.” Maybe Doctor Who is just being polite when he acts shocked to see a Dalek.

I ‘fancied’ Billie Piper as The Doctor’s companion- she seemed like she was having the time of her life. Too bad The Doctor leaves her behind on a second Earth at the end of the season. If you travel in the Doctor’s blue police box I hope you like desert islands or weird moons or parallel dimensions because that’s where you’re ending up one way or another. The only way the Doctor could strand more of his friends in dangerous places is if he was a pirate on a ship made entirely of planks.

David Tennant replaces Christopher Eccleston this season as Doctor Who. The Doctor actually removes Eccleston’s face to reveal Tennant’s face beneath it in the final episode of the first season. Can’t replace anybody more thoroughly than that, unless you want to jump out of their stomach à la Alien. With his small stature and smart pinstriped suit David Tennant seems like he’s just dropped by the pocket-watch repair shop and now he’s off to sing lead vocals for The Monkees with his pals Micky, Michael and Peter.

I wonder how may women sci-fi fans have obsessive fantasies about the David Tennant Doctor Who. “Oh British immortal time traveler- take me in your time ship to some ancient space library and let’s do it on the books!” Well ladies, I hope you’re ready to spend the rest of your life in an ancient space library because he will leave you there faster than you can retrieve your bra from the ‘Geegleplax Guide To The Seven Outer Plorshushes’.

Not to mention Doctor Who saves Queen Victoria from a werewolf and to thank him for his trouble she founds the Torchwood Institute to hunt him down and bans him from ever coming back to England. Well look how that worked out lady- now you’re long underground in your fancy royal linens and Doctor Who is still sweeping British ladies off their feet and into alternate realities.

Geegleplax that, Your Highness!

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