Doctor Who | Season Five

This is best Doctor Who has ever been. Best companion. Best special effects. Best…Doctor? I think so. Look here- I like Tennant, don’t go foaming at the scarf or anything, I know everybody has their own favorite Doctor Who. It’s just that Matt Smith is clearly the best of the Doctors and if you think differently you probably aren’t a true fan so feel free to turn in your sonic screwdriver replica now and go watch Say Yes to the Dress or something now that you don’t know what you are talking about.

That having been said, I’d really like to see an episode with the David Tennant and Matt Smith Doctors both interacting with each other. Which is to say I’d like to take something already considerably nerdy and nerd it up a notch. What the hell, let’s have them read Star Wars novelizations out loud to each other and play Dungeons & Dragons while we’re at it.

And! They finally updated this shit to HD. I don’t want to watch nothing unless it’s in high definition. You better be in 720p or I ain’t going to see. Got that tattooed on my lower back with the Tasmanian devil watching an HDTV. And he’s got his hat on backward, so you know he’s from the streets.

I love Doctor Who’s redheaded companion Amy Pond this season. She seems to be the funnest of all the companions. Maybe it’s all that crisp high definition fun she appears to be having. Plus I think the Doctor has a crush on her a little bit in a bemused this-is-never-going-to-happen way. Like when someone is so absolutely and completely out of the question but they’re charming and attractive so the useless crush is still there and you flirt a little bit then let her fiance on the TARDIS.

River Song, the Doctor’s con artist wife from the future, breaks out of future jail to help him fix time problems and shamelessly flirt with him. I guess that’s what he’s into, older women with hippie names in jail? Maybe he meets her in one of those “be a pen pal with a lady convict” programs. I wouldn’t write to a woman in jail named River Song. I wouldn’t write to a woman out of jail named River Song. Also, this lady is cool and all but I’m secretly hoping that she’s lying to the Doctor about being his future bride because honestly he’s out of her league. Just barely, I mean she can fly the TARDIS and shoot a space gun and she’s a sexy confident galactic thief but I just don’t see her getting with the Doctor and I should know I’m president and founder of the Doctor Who Marriage Material Club (DWMMC, Atlanta Chapter).

What’s the best episode of the whole season, you ask? The Lodger. Doctor Who moves in with a chubby dude and cockblocks him briefly before joining forces to fight a mysterious entity at the top of the stairs.

Spoiler Alert

All of Doctor Who’s worst enemies get together to seal him in a box because the TARDIS explodes and destroys everything that ever existed. So then he puts Amy Pond’s lifeless body in the box for 2000 years and lets her robot fiance Rory sit there and guard it for two millennia. He could have at least left him with an iPod or a Kindle. Or one of those pens with a bikini girl on it and when you turn the pen upside down her bikini vanishes.

My stepfather had one of those pens when I was a kid and I used to sneak down into the basement where his desk was to see this amazing writing utensil. I was baffled as to why he didn’t use it all the time. Hey why are you using those regular pens that have NO NUDITY on them for your writing needs?! You have a naked lady pen right there in your desk! The best I could figure was he didn’t want to lose it. They should develop the the naked lady pen technology for computers. You could turn the monitor upside down. Finally, a naked woman on a computer screen!

Amy Pond remembers Doctor Who back into existing at her wedding so he materializes in front of everybody in a tuxedo. Then Doctor Who dances like a monkey and gets on the TARDIS with Amy and Rory and they fly off to have more adventures. Oh how was the Pond wedding? It was fun, her imaginary friend from childhood apparated in his police box and then there was some cake and dancing and then the bride and groom went off in his time ship.

Shit, I’m going to the wrong weddings.

Tagged Doctor Who, Matt Smith, television