Hot Tub Time Machine

Isaac Asimov is probably pulling on his sideburns and stamping his feet up in heaven right now. Because he’s mad, I guess? At being out science fictioned, probably. Maybe he’s mad about something else. Maybe there are no robots in heaven. Or maybe it’s all robots in heaven. Robots as far as the eye can see. I guess that would be hell. So anyway Isaac Asimov is stamping his feet in hell right now because Hot Tub Time Machine is going to win all the science fiction awards he would have won if he was still alive. The HUGO. The Space Compass. The Golden Rocket. The Donkey Kong. The Cabbage Patch.

I think it’s safe to say that hot tub dealerships around the nation were cheering the release of this movie. You see regular tubs all the time on the screen, but when is the humble hot tub featured? Oh, right- in porn. And in regular movies when a character needs to make a drunk mistake or cheat on their wife. Or when a scene requires a hot tub. But still! I bet all the hot tub salesmen were standing up and clapping in their hot tubs at the hot tub drive in theater where you drive your hot tub to watch a movie instead of your car.

Hot Tub Time Machine is like if Morse Code was made out of topless women and jokes. Breast breast joke joke breast. Joke breast joke joke joke breast. Time travel. John Cusack. Wait. Which one is the one used for telegrams? Or is it telegraphs? Whichever one people used in the Old West to tell a cowboy his horse had married a crow. I guess telegrams is the one where people come to your house and sing to you.

Your horse/has married a crow/who paid for the wedding/I don’t know/probably a goat with something to prove/lalalala/lalala

Spoiler Alert

None of the characters seemed too concerned about getting back to their own time or amazed by the miracle of traveling through time. When John Cusack makes it back to the future he’s like oh, I guess I’m married to Lizzy Caplan now (itself a minor miracle, if you ask me). Let’s make out! Then again, I bet nothing surprises John Cusack because as far as I can tell by his twitter account, the man is a straight up crazy lunatic.

I think the naked woman in the (non-time-traveling) tub with Craig Robinson belongs in a painting, not an R-rated time travel movie. Maybe someone should do elegant paintings of topless scenes from ribald comedies, like if Vincent van Gogh was forced to work from unrated DVDs of the Van Wilder films. Not me, though. I like having a girlfriend too much.

Tagged Hot Tub Time Machine, Isaac Asimov, John Cusack, movie, time travel