In which Jason and Kristina of Knuckle Salad discuss the trailer for the movie Moonrise Kingdom.
J: Wow, this movie has it all. Little girls in bird costumes, old compasses, kids writing notes to each other on custom stationary and Ed Norton in a Boy Scout uniform. It’s like the deleted scenes from The People vs. Larry Flynt in an alternate universe where Hustler magazine is about the top sellers on Etsy. According to its synopsis, Moonrise Kingdom is about two twelve-year-olds who fall in love at summer camp, make a secret pact, and run away together into the wilderness. I had a crush on a curly haired girl at 4-H camp when I was twelve. She never smiled and got pregnant in the tenth grade. I guess she would have gotten pregnant even sooner if she hadn’t scowled so much.
K: I bet that girl smiled a lot before you knew her, like right up until age 10. Because when I was in the fifth grade, every once in a while, some nice girl would suddenly and unexpectedly turn into an awful, mean girl—I guess like how vampires do—but, like a vampire, you wouldn’t be aware of the change until she struck. When she did, it would be very confusing, because this was someone who had always been friendly to you in the past. At first you would assume you must be misunderstanding the horrible things she was saying, and that she must somehow have meant them in a sweet way, because a nice girl like this would never say things like that or kick you in the neck unless she thought she was being helpful. That’s how I feel about this trailer. I want to trust all these actors, but I’ll soon wake up to the reality that no, this really is another Wes Anderson movie that’ll leave me feeling deeply annoyed and a little left out. Too bad, because I like the bird costumes.
J: I think liking bird costumes was what got Tom Cruise into that whole Eyes Wide Shut mess in the first place. One minute you’re at Party City picking out a parakeet mask, the next thing you know you’re at a gothic mansion attending an orgy with Nicole Kidman. Anyway, I think this Wes Anderson movie might have too much Wes Anderson in it. Or too much Wes and not enough Anderson. Or maybe it’s all Anderson. Which part of Wes Anderson is the one that is entirely comprised of illustrated wallpapers with animals in sweater vests, tennis headbands and Bill Murray?
K: I think the wallpaper and animals in vests must be the Wes part and Bill Murray and tennis headbands are Anderson. Also, Jason Schwarzman and Owen Wilson. That’s some more Anderson. I would take a movie that was all Wes, though, like The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I imagine what saved that movie was that Bill Murray, Jason Schwarzman and Owen Wilson were all too big to fit in it. No, I’m mistaken—not Owen Wilson. He was in Night at the Museum and he was only small. I think if tiny Owen Wilson had been in Fantastic Mr. Fox, it would’ve been okay, and not just because he probably would’ve been killed.
J: I want to make sure I’m following you, did we just agree to kill a tiny Owen Wilson? Are we in a murder pact right now? We are going to need a shrink ray. And access to Owen Wilson. And a matching set of murder gloves. Which are actually just regular gloves with skulls on them. I think we might be the only people on the internet who aren’t charmed by this trailer, the response has been overwhelmingly positive as far as I’ve seen. I’d say my reaction is a cautious optimism, mixed with skepticism, mixed with an unrelated but overwhelmingly positive feeling of goodwill toward cake. Earlier today, I misheard my friend and I thought he said he was preparing his “cake resume”, which I took to mean a resume written in icing on a cake. “You’re hired!” I thought to myself.