Filth: Please Remember Me As The Teenage Christina Ricci Fondling Devon Sawas Hair And Not The Snout-Nosed Christina Ricci Who Kisses Vagrants

Filth: Please Remember Me As The Teenage Christina Ricci Fondling Devon Sawas Hair And Not The Snout-Nosed Christina Ricci Who Kisses Vagrants

I’ve noticed that James McAvoy treats women like pigs in a lot of films. [Ed note: Which explains why he keeps writing “Some Pig” in a spider web above many actresses’ heads in his movies.]

The most literal example I can think of is Penelope, starring Christina Ricci as a girl cursed with a pig nose and McAvoy, a vagrant who doesn’t kiss Ricci until the curse is broken. Ricci dates him anyway, and the movie ends with them swinging on a hill while Sigur Rós’ “Hoppípolla” plays in the background. Little do they know that the last line translates to “I get a nosebleed, but I’ll always stand up again.” To me, this insinuates that McAvoy falls off the swing and busts his nose, leaving both characters with new snouts. [Ed note: Aren’t most Sigur Rós songs about getting new snouts?]

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People used to tell me I look like Christina Ricci.

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I can’t decide if that was a compliment, since I’m unsure what iteration of Christina Ricci they were referring to:

  • A 10-year-old Ricci flitting around the kitchen in a swimsuit eating marshmallow kabobs with Winona Ryder and Cher?
  • A voluptuous Ricci tap dancing in a teddy for Vincent Gallo?
  • A sorority girl Ricci who falls in love with Pumpkin, a mentally handicapped man whom she trains for the Special Olympics?

I would prefer to be likened to a teenage Christina Ricci slow dancing with Devon Sawa, fondling his bowl cut while I lip sync “Remember Me This Way.”

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I’m going to wear a teddy and tap dance while singing “Remember Me This Way” the next time I hit up my favorite filthy karaoke bar. [Ed note: Presumably while Vincent Gallo eats marshmallow kabobs with a mentally handicapped man at the back of the bar.]

In UK theaters October 4th.