Review: Logitech® FreePulse Wireless™ Headphones

I ordered a pair of wireless Bluetooth headphones to sync with my smart phone and listen to music at work with. The earpieces were gigantic and the only way they stayed on your head was through the application of massive pressure through the headband, so it was a lot like having someone press two pies against your ears as hard as they could, except afterward there was no pie to eat. You couldn’t wear them on the street, unless you wanted to yell, “I AM WEARING HEADPHONES!” at everyone because that’s how it felt.
Also, because of the electrical tape I had to wrap around a crack in the band and the fact that they were wireless, it looked like you were some crazy guy who dug some massive headphones out of a trashcan and were just wearing them around without actually plugging them into anything.
“MUSIC FROM THE FUTURE!” I would yell, beating a trashcan with a stick I found, magic trashcan headphones affixed firmly to my head, quickly scurrying up a nearby tree at the approach of the police.
So I wrapped them in shipping tape and sent them back to Logitech, who promptly shipped a replacement pair back to me within a week.
This new pair of headphones was smaller, sleeker, and sexier. The bands that hold them to your ears look like a dolphin sowed them. The volume controls are so secret that I only found them by accidentally pressing on them, like a marble bust of a dead musician on the fireplace at Batman’s house.
The guy on the support line for Logitech said the headband was made of blue carbon steel. You know what? I believe him. If you ever shoot me in the back of the head, the headband won’t only deflect the bullet; it will convert the sparks into free mp3s from Russia.
Surprisingly, the thing I like best about these headphones is the sound they make as their battery dies.
When these headphones are close to running out of power, they emit a pulsing note that sounds like a manatee winning a medal, or the final tone of a robot that died saving your life.
Mostly it reminds me of a kick ass spaceship sinking to the bottom of the ocean, its gauges and dials warning the crew that they will soon perish, and if they have any art they want to look at or people they want to make out with they should do it now, for its bridges, decks & hulls were made for space, and who could have expected this?

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