Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

I had a dream the other night my girlfriend’s cat was a Jedi. He wore a little brown robe. He spun around in the air with his miniature lightsaber. He fought with his back claws. My girlfriend pointed out that if he were a Jedi in real life, he’d lay on his back and use the force to float treats into his mouth. Well, at least he’s not some jerk Sith cat.

Scott Pilgrim, huh. You like coins and shit? Did you have a Nintendo as a kid? Do you like t-shirts with jokes on them about blowing on the cartridge? Haha, what a great question- you like coins and shit? Don’t steal my funny question, Coinstar in the grocery store. Also, United States Mint- I’ve got my eye on you!

I was torn about Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World because it was a very, very good movie. BUT! I wish they had cast somebody other than Michael Cera. You see the comic Scott Pilgrim? He doesn’t look anything like Michael Cera. All the other characters talking about what a devilish lady-killer he is, I was like, “who, him?” Don’t you go breaking another heart, Scott Pilgrim! If you say so, other movie characters. Looking like the only ladies he could kill are ladyfinger sandwiches. Maybe with pimento cheese. You ever had whiskey pimento cheese? Really good on a hamburger.

I’m not saying that Michael Cera didn’t belong in this movie or do a good job as Scott Pilgrim. He just ain’t Scott Pilgrim to me, okay? I hate to be second guessing Edgar Wright as a director for his casting choice, because he clearly put real love and style into this thing and it shows. So I’m willing to concede Michael Cera is like a bizarro Scott Pilgrim. The three times removed clone of Scott Pilgrim. Like when the Dukes of Hazzard went on strike so they brought in similar actors to replace them and said they were Bo and Luke’s cousins. They ain’t the Duke boys, but what the hell they got The General Lee. Maybe in some alternate dimension another actor who was never born in our world is playing a pitch perfect Scott Pilgrim and any dimension hopping travelers to our world will get here and say, “What? They cast Michael Cera? Huh. Hey, he’s not half bad. Still, he’s no Bazleton Hazelnut Acorn.” Did I mention this dimension is a squirrel dimension and everyone is named after nuts?

Spoiler Alert

Can you be brought up for murder charges in Scott Pilgrim’s world? He sure did kill a lot of evil exes with swords and bass guitar powers. What happens to Gideon Gordon Graves’ record label and assets now that he’s dead? When are funeral services held? Do they play the music from the title screen of Final Fantasy II as the casket is lowered into the ground? I’d want to be buried to the Mass Effect soundtrack. Is the coffin full of coins since when you die in this world you turn into coins? I bet there is a lot of grave robbing. So I guess paying for stuff with change in Scott Pilgrim’s world is like paying for things here with cremation ashes.

Lot of cranky old movie critics saying Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World is only for young people or boys or video game players and if you aren’t one of those things it’s not for you. Shit. That’s just the talk of somebody who already prejudged this movie going in because it has some 8-bit sprites and game references. The fuck you know about good movies if you can’t see past stuff you don’t care for to a well-told story? Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World is about finding self respect and the power of love. It’s not as though you need money or fame. Put away your credit card, good sir- you don’t need it to ride this train. The train being the train of the power of love, I guess. I once saw the power of love transform a hawk into a little white dove. True story.

Look, I’m just saying. It’s strong and it’s sudden. It can be cruel sometimes. But it might just save your life! That’s the power, that’s the power of love!

Tagged Edgar Wright, Michael Cera, movie, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World