Much Ado About Nothing: Shakespeare And Joss Whedon Doing Hand Stuff Together

Much Ado About Nothing: Shakespeare And Joss Whedon Doing Hand Stuff Together

“Buy this hand, I love thee.”

Interesting sales pitch. “Try my product — I love you.” Evidently, the prosthesis market is one of shallow desperation, a bazaar for the needy and limbless.

“Buy this hand, I love thee.”

Hands, here! Git ya hands here! Bona-fide fillers of mittens! Four fingers, a thumb, and a certificate of authenticty! Straight from The Manufacturer! No two alike! Ring-ready! Git ya hands here! Gen-u-ine human digits affixed to a quality palm! Hands for sale! I love you!

“Buy this hand, I love thee.”

I can’t believe this. After all I’ve done for you? After all I’ve done, I’m reduced to this? Begging the woman I love to buy this hand? I’m putting it all on the line right now. If you wanted it, would I not buy it for you? Would I not deliver you everything you could possibly ask of me and more? No, no. Don’t patronize me. I won’t ask again. No. Forget it. Love means nothing to you, I guess.

Obsession. Hatred. Friendship. Love.
Loyalty. Power. Deceit. Truth.
Sex. Dishonesty. Devotion. Deception. 

Hand.

Seriously, buy this hand from me. My back-alley prosthetic hand store is going out of business.

[Ed. Note: Readers will be happy to know I did finally buy a prosthetic hand from Dan Nadolny, but he still refuses to put a ring on it.]

In theaters June 7th.