Why do people who abandon babies on doorsteps always leave them in such nice baskets? You’re already abandoning a baby, why go to the trouble of getting a nice wicker basket? Just put the baby in the Bed Bath & Beyond bag the basket came in! Now you’re baby-free and you’ve got a great basket.
Superman is the ultimate doorstep baby. He definitely showed up in the nicest basket. He’s putting other doorstep babies on blast. Then again, the only other doorstep baby I can think of is Swee’Pea. In case you’re not 90 years old, Swee’Pea is the baby from the Popeye cartoons. Look out, Swee’Pea—Superman is the greatest in the history of the doorstep baby game!
And yet Superman’s father doesn’t think the world is ready for Superman’s jelly. Destiny’s Child had the same problem, so they released a video in matching outfits. Superman should team up with Swee’Pea (and a third baby?), and form a singing group. Call themselves “Doorstep’s Child.” Superman is definitely the Beyoncé of the group, though. ‘Cause his body’s too bootylicious! He’ll be performing at Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday party before you know it.
Incidentally, when I googled the video for Bootylicious, Google’s results came back with this disclaimer: “The word ‘bootylicious’ has been filtered from the search because Google SafeSearch is active.” Google needs to add an “I’m Ready” button next to an icon of jelly. Or a butt. I’m ready for butts, Google!
In theaters June 14th.