The Informant!

I actually published a review of The Informant! this morning, re-read it, realized it sucked and took it down. Here’s a paragraph from that review:

Scott Bakula plays one of the FBI agents. If I ever made a sequel to Dracula I’d call it “Welcome Backula, Dracula” and cast Scott Bakula as Dracula. Enjoy it at home with a snackula.

and here’s another:

A lot of comedians play serious roles as law enforcement officers in this movie, including Paul F Tompkins and Patton Oswalt. The other night I had a dream I went to a wooden cabin where Patton Oswalt lived. We were standing on his front porch, looking at approaching thunderclouds. He said, “There’s a storm coming.” Then I woke up. Thanks for the waking sensation of nameless dread, Ratatouille.

First of all, I twittered that Scott Bakula joke months ago. It was much funnier on its own, without the “snackula” line. What the hell is a snackula?

Second of all, that WAS a pretty crazy dream. Patton Oswalt had a beautiful wife in the dream and she was nice to me and the grass was moving around all spookily in the wind under the approaching storm.

The Informant! is based on a true story and NPR did a fascinating This American Life episode on the same series of events. Matt Damon plumped up like a sausage in a sensible trench coat to play the lead role of the world’s worst FBI informant. Maybe he ate a lot of snackulas to gain weight.

Anyway, that’s about as good as it’s going to get for this review. Sometimes you get a plate of Jello shots, sometimes you get a bag of Jello powder poured directly into a bottle of vodka.

Why am I making Jello shot metaphors? Because I love sugary treats that get you drunk. I went to Medieval Times last weekend and drank a Daiquiri that costs ten whole dollars!

Then I got a brain freeze while I was looking at a suit of armor.

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