The Office | Season Six

So Pam and Jim had a baby, huh. We have a baby in the office where I work. We call him Spacebaby. He’s a plastic doll and he’s the filthiest thing you ever saw. Sometimes we put a lamp over his head and pretend he’s getting his hair done. We made a rule, too- nobody can touch that baby. Except his wife. And his boyfriend. That’s right- Spacebaby is freaky. But only on the weekends. He calls them “freak-ends”.

Michael Scott starts up an illicit affair with the married manager of a sports bar this season. For some reason she finds him irresistible. Earlier today I tried to use the word “irresistible” and said “un-resistible” instead. You’re welcome, Dictionary King.

Kevin gets compared to the Cookie Monster, in an unflattering fashion. I’m an Oscar the Grouch man, myself. He’s green, he’s fuzzy, he lives in a studio trash can, he’s a grouch. I’d like to see Oscar walking around more, though. Maybe in a dress shirt, tie and suspenders. A dressed up Grouch for modern times.  But I guess anyone living in a trash can doesn’t have a suit lying around.

Dwight Schrute signs a contract to make a baby with Angela but then Pam’s attractive friend Isobel finds him un-resistible for reasons beyond my comprehension so he tries to get out of it. So I’m to believe, The Office, that Dwight is so desirable that a beautiful woman would wade into his baby contract baggage to kiss his (forgive me for saying, but) strange and off-putting face?

I once read an article in the 90’s in Details magazine about how some women will have sex with ugly men because of their sexual prowess and their primal, hairy-knuckled charm. There were all these testimonials from women along the lines of, “his brow was sloped and he had a potbelly and his back was covered in hair but he was dynamite in the sack!” Yeah, maybe the sack you filled with dynamite and stuffed him in before you threw it off a cliff.

Dunder Mifflin is purchased by printer company Sabre. Kathy Bates plays their CEO. She’s got two big dogs. Hey it’s the end of the paragraph! What are you doing here so soon?

Andy romances Erin the secretary this season. She’s as cute as a button. What if you put an already cute button on the tip of a baby kitten’s nose? Does it somehow become cuter? Do you have to amend your statement? “She’s as cute as a button on the tip of a baby kitten’s nose.” What if the baby kitten with the button on his nose fell asleep in a teacup? Now what do you say?

“I’d tap that.” That’s what you say. “That” of course referring to “that ass”, not the kitten dozing in a teacup. Though I suppose you could gently tap the kitten on its fuzzy head until it wakes up and groggily blinks its eyes at you.

Maybe I should get a cat.

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