The Purge: To Be Fair, Aaron Sorkin Considered Making “The West Wing” About Getting To Third Base With Hobos

The Purge: To Be Fair, Aaron Sorkin Considered Making “The West Wing” About Getting To Third Base With Hobos

If one night a year all crime was legal, what would you do? I’m having a tough time answering that question. I guess I could rob a bank, although I imagine that’s what most people will be doing and there are few things I hate more than big groups.

Maybe I could convince my busty co-worker to take off her shirt, so I could get a glimpse of her glorious cans. Do the laws of marriage count on Purge night?

You know what? This is too hard.

I’ve never aspired to a life of crime, other than that time I tried to be a drug dealer, and boy was I bad at that. I tried to sell acid, but since I could never get it in bulk, the best I could do was buy a few hits here and there and sell them at a markup of a couple bucks.

Not exactly a Nino Brown in the making.

Speaking of Nino Brown, I wonder if he ever wanted to see his coworker’s boobs, or if he was too busy selling crack and drinking champagne out of a straw to care about such matters. [Ed. note: “Sorry ladies, I’m too busy selling crack to look at your boobs. If I look away from the crack for even a second, nobody will want to buy it. Put em’ away.” :: sound of champagne being slurped through a straw]

This is like when people ask you, “What would you do for a million dollars?” More like, what WOULDN’T I do? But a million dollars sure isn’t what it used to be, so while I’d still blow a homeless guy for a million, I’d no longer do it on live TV. At least not network TV. I might consider cable access, though. If they throw in another half a mill, and I retain all syndication rights. [Ed. note: This network produces so many episodes of your million dollar hobo blowjob show that it’s eligible for syndication, and Firefly was cancelled after one season?! ]

Actually, I’m sure I would spend a lawless night like I spend most my nights; in my pajamas, drinking wine, watching The West Wing, and going to bed by 10. Not exactly an exciting night, but at least it’s legal, right? [Ed. note: Not if I’m elected President.]