Travelers Dimension Police: Writing Reviews Of Japanese Movie Trailers In Four Languages At The Same Time Is Why The Tower Of Babel Was Built In The First Place

Travelers Dimension Police: Writing Reviews Of Japanese Movie Trailers In Four Languages At The Same Time Is Why The Tower Of Babel Was Built In The First Place

[Ed note: After Chris Hassiotis used Google to translate the title of this video (映画『トラベラーズ 次元警察』予告編 means Movie Travelers Dimensional Police), he went Google Translate crazy—converting his review from English to Japanese, Japanese to Spanish, Spanish to German, then from German back to English. I guess the King’s English isn’t good enough for ol’ Chris, so he had to go trotting around the globe like a slutty, drunken Carmen Sandiego. Which is just regular Carmen Sandiego.

What’s next, Chris? Reasonably bright sixth-graders using geographical clues delivered via Rockapella songs to determine your location in a game show format? This is why the U.S. is ranked 17th in global education! All our best middle-schoolers are busy guessing where the hell Chris Hassiotis is. Next thing you know, all the Japanishermanglish have taken our jobs and Carmen Sandiego has given Joe Biden chlamydia. Is that what you want, Chris?! Translated paragraphs highlighted in red.]

Whoa! Foxy outfit. That’s my first impression of the Travelers trailer. And then my second is that the future looks pretty shiny. And then! Nope, not shiny at all. Pretty disastrous. There’s no dialogue in this trailer, so I’m going to infer everything from the visuals. Perhaps this is about time travel? Or some sort of cross-dimensional travel? The title’s got to mean something, right? Also, I wonder how people keep their hair so clean and good-looking in the middle of action sequences like this.

Go Foxy suit. It’s my first impression from our followers. And the second is that the brightness would be nice in the future. And! No, no shine at all. Quite miserable. The dialogue in this trailer there is not, I think, from the visual. This is probably the time to travel? Or some kind of interdimensional travel? Title or did the right mean or what? Also, people are very nice and have their hair in the middle of the action scenes like this, I wonder if that looks good.

ANYWAY. Some things that pop out at me, second-by-second—It’s Emperor Palpatine at 0:24! It’s Minority Report at 0:26! Are there that many Christian churches in post-apocalyptic future Japan? Japan has glorious mountain ranges at 0:34!

Whatever. Some jump for me, second by second – in 24 minutes 0:00 is the Emperor Palpatine! This is the Minority Report in 26 minutes 00.00 clock! Post-apocalyptic future, in Japan, you have many a Christian church? Japan has a mountain of glory 34 seconds!

I always find stuff like what happens at 0:36 distracting. I know the filmmakers imagine it adds an immediacy to the action, but by making the camera’s presence so blatant, it just highlights the fact that this is not a real thing we’re watching on the screen. Personal bias, but still.

I think something like what happened in the 36 minutes after midnight always disturbing. The filmmakers, add the immediacy of the action is so explicitly emphasized the fact that it is real, we have to see on the screen is only the presence of the camera, which will be known locations. Personal bias is not yet.

With the questionable computer-generated graphics, though, and stylized sexualization, Travelers looks something like a cross between 1992’s The Lawnmower Man (which I remember loving as a kid, but is probably terrible) and 2011’s Sucker Punch (which is most definitely, resolutely terrible.) [Ed note: Imagine the computer generated delivery man from the Dire Straits “Money for Nothing” video got Godlike Omniscience and went on a killing spree—that’s The Lawnmower Man.]

Or suspicion, but computer graphics, the sexualization of stylized, travelers, but remember that (I love as a child, a cross between a lawn mower MAN 1992 is similar, is likely to be poor), (which is terribly determined Sucker Punch definitely , 2011.)

Travelers looks exploitative, preposterous, action-packed… and like a whole lot of fun. Hopefully it’s not a movie where all the high points are in the trailer, cause this trailer’s got a ton.

Travelers are like a lot of fun exploitation, crazy, action-packed … and. Hopefully, the highest point of all is not a film in the trailer, it will lead to have a lot of this trailer.

Released in Japanese Theaters on April 13, 2013.