twitter on 2010-04-12

• “man that Dixie Carter she 70 she dead” —me, trying to tell my girlfriend Dixie Carter had died and sounding like a hillbilly instead. #
• Eating ice cream out of the carton with a knife because all the dishes and spoons are dirty. At least I’m not stabbing anybody with it. #
• Cat taunting neighbor’s idiot dog by simply existing. Dog barking like a frantic loon in retaliation. #
• If these cat treats are any indication, “Catberries” smell like sweat and sadness. Cat seems to like them, though. #
• Turkey bacon is the counterfeit twenty dollar bill of the bacon world. #
• Do you know hard it is to get a roll of quarters from a Target cashier? I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, lady. #

Tagged twitter