Tag Archives: adamantium

The Wolverine: Wolverine Heals 10x Faster Than A Regular Man And I Can’t Even Order A ‘Boobies Make Me Smile’ Shirt

The Wolverine: Wolverine Heals 10x Faster Than A Regular Man And I Can’t Even Order A ‘Boobies Make Me Smile’ Shirt

What is it with old men and hard beds? My grandfather has a bed in his guest bedroom that feels like sleeping on Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton. I think actual skeletons in mausoleums on stone slabs get more comfortable rest than me when I stay at my grandfather’s house.

I guess skeletons get more comfortable rest than anybody, though. Nobody chills harder than skeletons. We should bury our dead in sunglasses, they’re so chill! Maybe position their hands behind their heads, and install little shelves for them to put their feet up on. Put a baseball cap on their skull and turned it backwards. Straight kickin’ it, homie!

Cemeteries would be way less spooky if you knew all the skeletons were taking it easy. Also taking it easy—that old Japanese man laying on a giant pin point impression toy. He looks like he’s sleeping on the clearance rack at Spencer’s Gifts. He could probably get a beer koozie for his skeleton while he’s at it.

Unlike Wolverine, whose adamantium skeleton won’t let him relax and just die already. I tried to look up Spencer’s Gifts at work to see if they were even still open these days, and their website was blocked by the office firewall. Now I know how Wolverine feels! I wish a rich old Japanese man would come take me away from all this.

Anyway, looks like Wolverine might finally get some “me” time to catch up on Netflix, put cucumbers over his eyes, and bleed out all over everybody without healing. In theaters July 26th.

oldman