Of all the ways to pretend you’re holding a lightsaber, waving a long cardboard tube around and making the VRRUMMM noise is generally considered to be the preferred method. Unless you are an actual Jedi. Then you might want to spend money on the real thing. The lightsaber, not the VRRUMMM noise. Talk about putting the cart before the horse. The cart is the VRRUMMM noise, and the horse is the lightsaber. Is that an apt comparison? Could one consider the lightsaber to be pulling the VRRUMMM noise around? Maybe the VRRUMMM noise is the wheels on the cart, and the cart is the lightsaber and the Jedi is the horse. That’s right, impoverished Jedi. You’re the beast of burden in this analogy!
In which Jason and comedy writer Ben Arnold discuss the trailer for the movie Prometheus.
J: In space, no one can hear you scream. Which is why it is so difficult to get ice cream in space. I mean, I screamed, you screamed, we all screamed for ice cream. And the void of space was indifferent to our collective calls for sweet iced cream. Now gelato on the other hand—very easy to get in space. You can’t throw a moon rock in space without hitting a gelato stand, usually with some kind of gloopy tentacled monster trying to sell you a mint raisin sorbet. Speaking of gloopy tentacled monsters, looks like there’s a little space trouble happening for the characters in Prometheus. There are a ton of shots in the trailer of people looking dismayed in space helmets.
Some gamers have observed that the horse in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is able to climb impossibly steep mountains and defy gravity by walking up completely vertical surfaces. To be fair, the last time a horse had its legs up in the air at such an extreme angle, Seabiscuit got a response to his H4HH personal ad on Craigslist.
I myself observed the main character of Skyrim drinking a potion he found next to a rotting corpse in an ancient tomb, making the redneck boy that lived in a filthy trailer down the street from me with a closet full of Hustler magazines and a kitchen so filthy I was forbidden to eat or drink anything from his house look like a sommelier at Le Bernardin in New York City. Developers have already planned a contemporary sequel to Skyrim in which the hero drinks a Capri Sun he finds under the body at an open casket funeral.
The SyFy Channel has announced that they’re renewing Being Human for a second season, the main characters of the show being a ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf. Coincidentally, this is the same list of sexual partners that Franken Berry is legally obligated to notify that they’ve been exposed to herpes.
PICTURED: The hero of Skyrim discovers a gross potion. Or possibly Franken Berry’s penis.
Fans of full frontal nudity and dragons will be pleased to learn that Game of Thrones has released a teaser trailer for Season 2. However, fans of full frontal dragon nudity will have to settle for watching Dame Judy Dench undress from a nearby tree branch with their fingers crossed.
Finally, a pug was dressed in a Wampa costume:
The pug’s arm was later severed by a Labradoodle dressed as Luke Skywalker.