Tag Archives: Designing Women

I Look Forward To Kneeling At Her Throne Made From The Bones Of Mortals: A Review Of The Trailer For Steel Magnolias

I Look Forward To Kneeling At Her Throne Made From The Bones Of Mortals: A Review Of The Trailer For Steel Magnolias

In which Gina Rickicki and Benjamin Carr review the trailer for Steel Magnolias.

BEN
My first experience with Steel Magnolias was looking at my mom’s eyes after she saw it for the first time. They were all red from crying, but she was smiling. So when I asked her if she liked it, she said yes, and I asked her if it was a comedy or a drama. And she said it was both.

In the movie, Dolly Parton says that laughter through tears is her favorite emotion, so I realize now that my mom had been gobsmacked by this movie. Since I’d just sat through The War of the Roses instead, I felt robbed. So I watched it on video. And then I rewound it and watched it again. And then I watched it again. And then I would just rewind that locker room scene with all the naked football players and watch that a couple times. And then I would watch it again. I think I’ve memorized Steel Magnolias by now. Which is a good thing. Because every other gay man in the city has, too.

Mannequin Two – On the Move: I, For One, Welcome Our New Mannequin Overlord

Mannequin Two – On the Move: I, For One, Welcome Our New Mannequin Overlord

In which Jason and Bobbin Wages review the trailer for Mannequin Two: On the Move.

JASON

Hi, Bobbin. Is it just me, or does Meshach Taylor’s “Hollywood Montrose” character in Mannequin Two: On the Move have too many mannequins coming to life at his place of business? How does he get any work done over the constant rotation of Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”?

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

In which Jason and Cristen Conger review the trailer for The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.

JASON

Well, Cristen—I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is there’s a race of invisible half-human/half-angels running around killing demons on our behalf. The bad news is, they think we’re totally lame. They even call us “mundanes” behind our back. So catty!

In fact, in their TV Guide’s “Cheers & Jeers” section, us humans always get Jeers. I know that your greatest fear has always been that you’d end up in the Jeers column. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that nobody reads TV Guide anymore, not even the version published by half-angel demon hunters. Also, every month they inexplicably feature Delta Burke on the cover. We get it—she’s half an angel! But the part of her that played Suzanne Sugarbaker was ALL HUMAN.

CRISTEN

I’m bowled over by your insightful connection between TV Guide reviews and the effervescent Ms. Burke because Suzanne Sugarbaker, you see, is fully the human — half-angels aren’t blessed with such voluminous décolletage; it would hamper their flame throwing and demon ass-kicking — embodiment of the Cheer AND the Jeer, the only mortal capable of straddling both ridicule and praise without breaking a sweat. Case in point: Suzanne Sugarbaker didn’t actually go by Suzanne Sugarbaker. Nope, that racially insensitive beauty queen toted around the name Suzanne Sugarbaker Goff Dent Stonecipher acknowledging all three of her failed marriages. She gave not a shit, that Suzanne.

I really wish the Designing Women writers had delved more into the character of Mr. Stonecipher, though. Not that I would ever want the spotlight cast too far away from dear Delta, but with a last name like Stonecipher, I wonder if Suzanne Sugarbaker was last married — and divorced — to some sort of wizard or warlock, not unlike those whom would be hunted down and barbequed to death by a band of Shadowhunters.

And speaking of Shadowhunters, I can’t get that spooky latte art out of my head. That ghoulish face in the cappuccino foam sent shivers down my spine! I tell you what, Jason, if I am ever contacted by half-angels from the other side, it goddamn better be through designs in hot frothed milk. What the hell else could latte art be good for anyway?!

As you can probably tell from my salty language, I get pretty steamed over latte art just like you do. I hope I haven’t hit a nerve by bringing it up.

Imperial Trouble Episode 46: Doctor Who Season Finale with Beau Brown

Imperial Trouble Episode 46: Doctor Who Season Finale with Beau Brown

Play

Sam, Jason and resident Imperial Trouble Whovian Beau Brown review the Doctor Who Season Finale. Other topics include the Air Bud canon, the terrible fate of Sam’s former website The Police Box and the sitcom Designing Women.