Tag Archives: Dragon*Con

Let Me Go On: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Shrek’s Wife At Dragon*Con

Let Me Go On: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Shrek’s Wife At Dragon*Con

I’m at Dragon*Con, the world’s largest fantasy and science fiction convention. I point to a man and woman in green face-paint and say, “Hey, that couple is cosplaying as Shrek, and Shrek’s wife.”

My friends correct me: “You mean Fiona.”

Later, I meet a guy who shows me a shitty tattoo on his forearm that he’d gotten of his girlfriend. He says, “I know it’s ugly, the tattoo artist messed it up. It might as well be Shrek.”

So I say, “Why don’t you just go full Shrek? Get all of Shrek’s friends in there, too. Shrek & Company. The donkey, Shrek’s wife…”

He corrects me: “You mean Fiona.” Sure, I guess. Fiona. The lady ogre that Shrek took as his bride. Am I not giving the love of Shrek’s life the respect she deserves? Do you want me to use her maiden name as well? Did they hyphenate?

Imperial Trouble Episode 88: Dan Carroll

Imperial Trouble Episode 88: Dan Carroll

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Jason and Sam welcome returning guest Dan Carroll to discuss Dragon*Con 2012! Panels, guests and rules of the Con are covered. Other topics include Dark Angel, the best ice-based drink, Darkwing Duck, Hunt Brothers® Pizza, and the world’s biggest Kroger.

Imperial Trouble Episode 87: Dragon*Con 2011!

Imperial Trouble Episode 87: Dragon*Con 2011!

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In anticipation of this year’s Dragon*Con, we revisit last year’s coverage, including interviews with Battlestar Galactica/Dexter‘s Edward James Olmos as well as Eddie McClintock of Warehouse 13 . Topics also include unsuccessfully infiltrating Dragon*Con parties, Sam and Jason’s favorite panels, the Bob and Carl: Sci-Fi Janitors late night puppet slam, convention photography etiquette and a chat with Harrison Krix of Volpin Props.

Imperial Trouble Episode 43: Doctor Who Series 6 and the Star Wars Blu-ray release

Imperial Trouble Episode 43: Doctor Who Series 6 and the Star Wars Blu-ray release

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Sam and Jason share their thoughts on Doctor Who Series 6 Part 2 and the Star Wars Blu-ray release. Other topics include getting your ass handed to you in Deus Ex: Human Revolution, getting sick after Dragon*Con and getting philosophical about what the Doctor represents to different genders.

Imperial Trouble Episode 42: Dragon*Con recap featuring Edward James Olmos and Eddie McClintock

Imperial Trouble Episode 42: Dragon*Con recap featuring Edward James Olmos and Eddie McClintock

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Sam and Jason review their Dragon*Con 2011 experiences and interview Battlestar Galactica/Dexter‘s Edward James Olmos as well as Eddie McClintock of Warehouse 13 . Topics also include unsuccessfully infiltrating Dragon*Con parties, Sam and Jason’s favorite panels, the Bob and Carl: Sci-Fi Janitors late night puppet slam, convention photography etiquette and a chat with Harrison Krix of Volpin Props.

Imperial Trouble Episode 41: Dan Carroll and Robin Carroll

Imperial Trouble Episode 41: Dan Carroll and Robin Carroll

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Sam and Jason are joined by Dragon*Con media relations director Dan Carroll and czar of media badges Robin Carroll for a very special all-Dragon*Con episode! Topics include Dragon*Con’s 25th Anniversary, as well as guests, tracks and rules for better living at the largest fantasy/science fiction convention in the world.

Imperial Trouble Episode 40: Beau Brown, Matt Nitchie and Patrick Freeman

Imperial Trouble Episode 40: Beau Brown, Matt Nitchie and Patrick Freeman

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Sam and Jason are joined once again by Beau Brown, Matt Nitchie and Patrick Freeman, the creative team behind Bob and Carl: Sci-Fi Janitors. Topics include childhood science fiction influences, puppet slams, Quantum Leap, Bob and Carl’s Dragon*Con plans and pretending Godzilla is your father.

Imperial Trouble Episode 29: Brian Richardson of Dragon*Con TV

Imperial Trouble Episode 29: Brian Richardson of Dragon*Con TV

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Blue Harvest? Jason and Sam welcome Brian Richardson of Dragon*Con TV to the Imperial Trouble studios. The crew discusses dreams of the Dreamcast, Penn & Teller’s Smoke and Mirrors, the Hulk’s incredible stretchy underwear, and the anticipation of the 25th anniversary of Dragon*Con. Jason and Sam are also schooled on the history of blue films.

Hooray for DragonCity
dragoncity

Hooray for DragonCity

My friends and I always joke about how we wish we lived in a city where DragonCon never ended. DragonCity, we call it. A city full of Stormtroopers and goths in steampunk goggles, the kind of place where you might see a slutty Batman. A city where you can walk with beer in hand among costumed men and women dressed in lightsabers, capes, tall boots and anime cat girl ears, driven by an overwhelming need to show the underside of their asses.

I guess you’d have to sentence people to live in DragonCity like some kind of prison island. Unlike my friends and I, most people don’t want to live in a world where you can throw a rock and hit esteemed science fiction actor Scott Bakula and then throw another rock and hit a sweaty degenerate in a Dragon Ball Z shirt with a messenger bag full of hentai porn. Also, where did you get those rocks? Are they collectible Spidey rocks signed by Stan Lee?

This year at DragonCon, I ended up at a cosplay porn website’s promotional party. There was a stripper pole for stripping on and everything. Or so I thought. As it would happen these ladies were not only not wearing costumes, but they had also decided to not not wear clothes. One girl was pole dancing in a long sundress. A wizard stood alone in the corner watching, presumably summoning a Patronus under his robe. Another girl was dancing in her underwear and a gentleman nerd put a dollar in her waistband. Well, there you have it. One dollar! My goodness, everyone should dance provocatively for science fiction and fantasy convention attendees because it’s a veritable gold mine. Hey there grizzled old prospector, put away the oversized skillet that you apparently use to pan for gold with and get yourself some fishnet stockings because booty dancing at a hotel party for a bunch of guys in Gandalf outfits and Ghostbusters t-shirts is like finding an oil well next to a chest of pirate treasure buried under a millionaire’s will encrusted with diamonds.

The cosplay website’s party got shut down by a hotel manager and a cop. So did another DragonCon party I went to, because there were reports that someone was throwing a bedsheet over the balcony. Who was throwing bedsheets from the 39th floor? Maybe a ghost lost his balance.

I got hooked on the four dollar hamburgers at the Marriott. I ate them for all my meals. I found them to be delicious and cheap. The hamburger guy recognized me eventually and gave me a free hamburger. I considered saving it for later but then the idea of walking around DragonCon with a cheap hamburger in my bag made me feel a bit queasy. There’s a lot of heat and walking and jostling going on in that bag. A stale DragonCon burger is not your steadfast companion, it’s a furtive glance at Wonder Woman’s cleavage- enjoy the thrill and move on.

I got good and drunk from scotch in a flask and hotel party beer and beer from restaurants at the convention, which to look over the receipt would have you believe you had purchased a bottle full of TARDIS keys and not a Corona Light. At one party a bunch of steampunk guys and dudes in Mexican wrestler masks were yelling Wu-Tang Clan lyrics. Later that night, I saw a girl entirely topless in the lobby except for her taped nipples. Hooray for DragonCity, how do I run for mayor? I also saw a burlesque show that included a transvestite dancer. He had tape over his nipples, too. I think he made the right choice. Had he not covered his nipples it’d be a vote of no confidence, in my opinion. I guess you aren’t a lady until taped nipples makes you a lady.

Toward the end of it, I was drunk and people-watching, walking around with my friends at 2:30 in the morning. A bunch of drunk guys were yelling, “Who wants to take a picture of this shit?!” I said, “I’ll take a picture of that shit!” in the spirit of good will and dragon themed conventions. Later, when I was editing my photos, I saw that one of them had managed to get his ball sack out from under his tights in an attempt to get his testicles in the picture. He wore an expression of calm self assurance. “Hang on,” his expression seemed to say, “I need to get this last part of my costume ready.”