Tag Archives: Dungeons & Dragons

No Stranger To Stuffing: A Review Of The Trailer For “All Is Lost”

No Stranger To Stuffing: A Review Of The Trailer For “All Is Lost”

You know, my stepdad’s brother had a sailboat like Robert Redford’s in All Is Lost. He mostly kept it docked in Savannah, and sat around on it listening to Bonnie Raitt songs and drinking beer. When I was twelve, he took me out on the ocean, and after it got too hot I went below deck and curled up on some life preservers, and listened to the sound of the water lapping against the side of the boat, daydreaming about a girl I had a crush on who had crimped bangs.

Man of Steel: I Hope Superman’s Friends Don’t Know Which Direction To Point At The Fortress Of Solitude

Man of Steel: I Hope Superman’s Friends Don’t Know Which Direction To Point At The Fortress Of Solitude

I’m glad there’s another Man of Steel trailer, because the studios need to drum up some interest in this obscure indie gem about a little-known comic book character. “Man of Steel? Is that a sequel to Steel, the critical darling for which Shaq was awarded the Palme d’Or at Cannes, in recognition of his portrayal of both Iron Man and Thor at the same time, except he could also use his big-ass hammer as a gun?” (Come to think of it, who wouldn’t pay good money to see that? Get cracking, Hollywood! And make sure you spell my name right on the royalty checks, please.)

Like Father Like Son

Like Father Like Son

In which Jason and Kat Greene review the trailer for Like Father Like Son. Part of a series of trailer reviews for body-switching comedies of the 70′s, 80′s, and 90′s. 

JASON

Kat, I hate to break this to you, but everything you know about Dudley Moore and Kirk Cameron? Flip it. Arthur 2: On the Rocks? Flipped. Your Mike Seaver from Growing Pains poster? Flip. That. Shit. We got a real Christmas in Australia situation going on here.

Going forward, all Dudley Moore related matters will go directly to Kirk Cameron. All official Kirk Cameron business is now under the jurisdiction of Dudley Moore. Sean Astin stuff will continue to go to Sean Astin, unless Elijah Wood says otherwise. However, the magnetic poles of the Earth have been reversed, so Morgan Freeman will need to re-narrate March of the Penguins to reflect the change.

If you have any letters addressed to D. Moore or K. Cameron, please place a strikethrough on their names and write their corrected titles above the address field, followed by RE: LIKE FATHER LIKE SON. Also, the rapture has been postponed until God can finish watching the last half of this movie, so he can be sure that when he calls Kirk Cameron home to receive his heavenly rewards, it’s not actually Dudley Moore’s soul hiding out in Kirk Cameron’s body trying to scam his way into a free golden harp and halo.

KAT

The really unfortunate thing about all of this is how much hate mail I’ve now accidentally sent to the wrong person. Listen to me, Jason: Mike Seaver is a little shit, and don’t you forget it. I know I won’t.

You know what would be really great, though? A little Sean Astin, all to myself. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have a tiny hirsute admirer bring me food and carry me up mountains and shit. That’s what’s terrible about this economy, if we’re really getting down to it. There are too few hairy handmaidens, because they’re all too busy trying to earn a living in a currency more universal than my disdainful praise and the glory of being in my presence. The low supply of human Giving Trees is forcing the price up, and I just don’t know how much more condescension I’m willing to dole out in exchange for groveling and chores. Then again, nothing’s worse than having to make your own second breakfast, Jason. Nothing.

Imperial Trouble Episode 92: Too Hot To Handle, Too Cold To Hold

Imperial Trouble Episode 92: Too Hot To Handle, Too Cold To Hold

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This week’s topics include Doctor Who, the Statue of Liberty, a recital of Bobby Brown’s theme song from Ghostbusters II, Dungeons & Dragons parody songs, the Dave Matthews Band and pan-dimensional rifts. Guest hosts: Beau Brown and Jack Walsh.