Tag Archives: Ender’s Game

El Maestro Becomes El Estudiante, Indeed: A Review Of The Trailer For “Ender’s Game”

El Maestro Becomes El Estudiante, Indeed: A Review Of The Trailer For “Ender’s Game”

In which Kate Sweeney and Hilary Kelley discuss the trailer for Ender’s Game.

HILARY

Kate, I know we’ve been dancing around it for a while, now, but it’s time we did something about this trailer. In fact, I think this movie came out in the theaters, went to DVD, and was even put out on VHS for a limited run. And still we sat here, and still we said nothing.

Ender’s Game: Maybe Dogs In The Future Take Their iPads To The Restroom

Ender’s Game: Maybe Dogs In The Future Take Their iPads To The Restroom

I’m bringing back “Great, kid. Don’t get cocky!” You know, from when Han Solo says it to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. I say it all the time now. Watch out, people who just did something great but are starting to get cocky about it—you’re about to get put in your place. By an old man quoting Star Wars.

Let Me Go On: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Shrek’s Wife At Dragon*Con

Let Me Go On: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Shrek’s Wife At Dragon*Con

I’m at Dragon*Con, the world’s largest fantasy and science fiction convention. I point to a man and woman in green face-paint and say, “Hey, that couple is cosplaying as Shrek, and Shrek’s wife.”

My friends correct me: “You mean Fiona.”

Later, I meet a guy who shows me a shitty tattoo on his forearm that he’d gotten of his girlfriend. He says, “I know it’s ugly, the tattoo artist messed it up. It might as well be Shrek.”

So I say, “Why don’t you just go full Shrek? Get all of Shrek’s friends in there, too. Shrek & Company. The donkey, Shrek’s wife…”

He corrects me: “You mean Fiona.” Sure, I guess. Fiona. The lady ogre that Shrek took as his bride. Am I not giving the love of Shrek’s life the respect she deserves? Do you want me to use her maiden name as well? Did they hyphenate?

11/29 in Review: Star Wars Pin-Ups, Little Printer, Unusual Cupcakes, Ender’s Game and the Kindle Fire

11/29 in Review: Star Wars Pin-Ups, Little Printer, Unusual Cupcakes, Ender’s Game and the Kindle Fire

Photographer Joey DeMarco has released a pin-up calendar featuring models dressed as characters from the Star Wars universe. Consumers who purchased the calendar were expected to pencil in “Masturbate to Star Wars calendar” for the remaining dates in the year.

A pub in Balham, South London has installed the first urine-controlled video game. Bar patrons can steer themselves down a ski slope, knock down penguins or even answer quiz questions by urinating on three infrared sensors, or for an additional $40, Sonic the Hedgehog’s face.

14-year-old actor Asa Butterfield has been selected as the lead in a movie adaptation of Ender’s Game, a science fiction novel about a child genius trained as a soldier in a futuristic war against an alien species. Mike Myers is also reported to be adapting his own science fiction novel, in which a child idiot is trained to enjoy the Shrek franchise.

An ad for the Kindle Fire was released, featuring an attractive young woman who is so excited to find a Kindle Fire tablet delivered to her doorstep, she immediately opens it and begins using it while sitting on her front stoop. A similar ad was released for the Samsung Galaxy Tab, in which a homely young woman is so excited to find the device delivered to her doorstep, she immediately places it in her mouth and begins gnawing it while sitting on a tree stump.

PICTURED: Shrek. Or the new face of the Samsung Galaxy Tab.

A chef at 4Rivers Smokehouse in Orlando, Florida has created Mountain Dew and Doritos cupcakes. He’s already announced a culinary follow-up: a copy of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 and hardcore pornography baked into a pie.

Finally, an ad for Little Printer, a miniature printer for your smartphone, was released:

The ad features a person printing out pictures of butterfly species, his foursquare friends’ locations, and a cartoon of a smiling man. Non-serial killers are also expected to find the printer useful.