Tag Archives: Fable II

Fable II

This game was on sale for twenty bucks at Target. Twenty bucks! You can get paper towels, a jug of Hawaiian Punch and three frozen pizzas for that price.

My Fable 2 character started out all sexy and scruffy-shirtless, poet’s beard, sandy blond hair. Unfortunately for him, eating pies not only replenish health, they fatten your character up.

One thing leads to another, I find myself in a tight spot- I’m feeding that dude pie left and right. Soon he’s so fat I have to put a coat on him (a stylish coat, but a coat of shame nonetheless). Well, his long alt-rocker hair won’t work on his chubby face so I change his haircut to shaved and grow out his beard to cover his chin.

Suddenly I realize my Fable 2 character looks exactly like me, if I had a fabulous coat.

For a game that gave me “evil points” for overcharging people on the rent, Fable 2 didn’t seem to mind that I had three different families in as many cities like a secret polygamist businessman. If you’re a lady in a strange town, and I don’t have any families in that town, I’m going to get you pregnant and then high tail it out of there. Good riddance, women and babies! See you next time I want to buy a sword or new clothes in the town where I abandoned your ass.

I was on the way to bring some fancy furniture to this prostitute I married when the game froze up and went to a black screen. I reloaded it and the same thing happened. I got on the internet and guess what- a LOT of people had this same problem. And it’s UNFIXABLE. You have to delete your whole game and start over again. Something to do with a corrupt save file.

Now my prostitute wife will never get her luxury linens! Her powdered skin will never know the exotic thrill of laying on fancy sheets oh wait she’s a prostitute the last thing she wants to see is another bed.

Well, kiss my grits Fable 2! I can’t even get my money back. Can you imagine the headache of trying to explain corrupt save files to the customer service people at Target? You see the save file is broken….other people on internet forums….no switching the game won’t work….Oh I see, well I guess I’ll just go THROW THIS GAME IN A GOD DAMN RIVER and hope a magic fish gives me a wishing coin for it.

What’s that magic fish? You say I get three wishes? Hot damn! I guess magic river fish must use broken Xbox games as some kind of currency. What are you going to buy with it? Enchanted river porno, you say.

Huh. Wasn’t expecting that answer.