Tag Archives: Ghostbusters

Back Off, Man—I’m An Ornithologist: My Brief Career As A Teenage Duckbuster

Back Off, Man—I’m An Ornithologist: My Brief Career As A Teenage Duckbuster

He knew he was probably too late when he saw the sparks. Not just sparks, really: massive bolts of machine-made lightning, lashing bullwhips of crackling energy. At least he no longer had to worry about moving with stealth; the doctor was too consumed with the work at hand to notice him, in thrall to a task of equal parts science, black magic, and madness. A hunchbacked servant, his crooked fangs gleaming in the brilliant light, cowered in fear and fascination as the thing, the monster, convulsed under the Promethean energies the doctor had unleashed upon him. An inhuman cry filled the cavernous stone room.

“QUACK!”

Eat Me Under A Chandelier: A Letter From A Newly Hired Ghostbuster

Eat Me Under A Chandelier: A Letter From A Newly Hired Ghostbuster

As the newest hire to the Ghostbusting team, I have to ask myself, will I be an ethical Ghostbuster? Sure, if I see a ghost stuffing his mouth full of fancy hot dogs right in front of me at a ritzy hotel à la Slimer, then yes, absolutely—I’ll shoot a ghost right in his face with my proton pack. But what about the other ghosts whose crimes aren’t as clear?

Ghostbusters: Ray Parker, Jr. Still Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts, Is Terrified Of Intimacy

Ghostbusters: Ray Parker, Jr. Still Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts, Is Terrified Of Intimacy

Sometimes an adult person wakes up one day to find himself in a loving, grown-up relationship with another adult person, a person who is really pretty special once you get to know her and is actually really good for the first person and has totally helped him mature a lot and get serious about starting a productive grown-up life and that, despite what the first person’s stupid idiot friends think, is not at all a horrible controlling succubus bitch who manipulates the first person’s emotions and uses them like child soldiers in an endless fucking trench war of a romantic partnership, which, now that we’re thinking about warfare analogies, likely boasts a similar body count in terms of emotional casualties as the real-life Rwandan genocide. [Ed note: Or to use a “crossing the streams” analogy, try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light, and Janine Melnitz Instagramming it. #totalprotonicreversal]

Imperial Trouble Episode 94: Benjamin Franklin Can’t Stop All The Scrambled Porn In The World

Imperial Trouble Episode 94: Benjamin Franklin Can’t Stop All The Scrambled Porn In The World

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This week’s topics include a Ghostbusters/Ayn Rand mash-up, Judy Blume’s blossoming sexuality, How to Eat Fried Worms, and everyone’s first scrambled porn experience. Bobby Brown’s “On Our Own” makes a return and Jason lazily breaks an Ernie Hudson promise.

Guest hosts: Nicholas Tecosky, Myke Johns, and Bunny McIntosh.