I’m going to start like this: I saw Ke$ha live once. Worse: I woke up at 4 a.m. and waited in Rockefeller Center in a puddle of glitter sprinkled off clusters of Midwestern teenagers who had woken even earlier to see Ke$ha, to see Ke$ha.
In which Jason and Patrick Best review the trailer for Grand Theft Auto V: Franklin.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m some kind of digital booty snob, but the strippers’ butts in this Grand Theft Auto V trailer don’t seem to be much of an improvement over the ones in Grand Theft Auto IV. Kind of feels like they just went with the butt renderings they already had instead of updating the algorithms (assgorithms?).
These butts need to get with the times! If Michelangelo had sculpted David with an ass like the ones in GTA V, he’d have been laughed out of the Sistine Chapel. Did Rockstar Games work on their butt design at all in the last five years? If I’d been drawing butts every day for the last five years, you better believe I’d be running around right now showing everybody the best drawing of a butt they’ve ever seen.
In which Jason and Mat Catastrophe review the trailer for Grand Theft Auto V: Michael.
Looks like our Grand Theft Auto V mobster has a few issues to work out with his therapist. He can’t choose between the chaos of a life of crime and the stability of being a family man. You know, the real Grand Theft Auto is the grand theft of his autonomy to be a criminal.
That’d be a good New Yorker cartoon caption, right? Maybe a guy in a burglar mask on a therapist’s couch could say it. Or the therapist could say it to his lady companion as they observe the thief from the sidewalk as he tries to jimmy a car door open with a coat hanger, tongue halfway out of his mouth. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone in a New Yorker cartoon stick out their tongue. Do the people in the world of New Yorker cartoons even have tongues? I guess they just open their mouths and serif fonts just spill right out.
In my whole life, I’ve only met one person named Trevor. He was a tall, gangly kid, with spindly, twig-like legs that, when I think back on them now, remind me of a crane.
Although in that summer before I entered the sixth grade, I’m pretty sure I didn’t know what a crane was. I went to four different schools in my elementary school career, and I somehow missed out on the class in which cranes were discussed.
Internet comedienne Bunny McIntosh and geek apparel tycoon Everett Steele guest. Topics include upcoming films/games Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol, Shame, Grand Theft Auto V, and We Need to Talk About Kevin. Also discussed: moral ambiguity, bringing a helicopter to a knife fight, and the Sisyphean tasks of popular iPhone game Tiny Tower.