Tag Archives: Hustler

Let Me Go On: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Shrek’s Wife At Dragon*Con

Let Me Go On: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Shrek’s Wife At Dragon*Con

I’m at Dragon*Con, the world’s largest fantasy and science fiction convention. I point to a man and woman in green face-paint and say, “Hey, that couple is cosplaying as Shrek, and Shrek’s wife.”

My friends correct me: “You mean Fiona.”

Later, I meet a guy who shows me a shitty tattoo on his forearm that he’d gotten of his girlfriend. He says, “I know it’s ugly, the tattoo artist messed it up. It might as well be Shrek.”

So I say, “Why don’t you just go full Shrek? Get all of Shrek’s friends in there, too. Shrek & Company. The donkey, Shrek’s wife…”

He corrects me: “You mean Fiona.” Sure, I guess. Fiona. The lady ogre that Shrek took as his bride. Am I not giving the love of Shrek’s life the respect she deserves? Do you want me to use her maiden name as well? Did they hyphenate?

But Here We Are, Drinking From His Basket: A Review Of The Trailer For “Men in Black III”

But Here We Are, Drinking From His Basket: A Review Of The Trailer For “Men in Black III”

In which Jason reviews the trailer for Men in Black III, a time travel movie about the Men in Black’s early years in the 1960s.

I think we can all agree that Will Smith’s time machine in the trailer for Men in Black III is ugly. Like, talking-Nightmare-Before-Christmas-Jack Skellingtonkeychain ugly. My grandfather’s diabetes monitor ugly. Jack Skellington’s diabetes monitor ugly. Which, you might be a little late to the party, diabetes, as he is already a skeleton.