Tag Archives: Idris Elba

A Beard Worth Stripping For! A Review of “Luther | Series 1”

A Beard Worth Stripping For! A Review of “Luther | Series 1”

Idris Elba is Detective Chief Inspector John Luther! In England, of course. It would be pretty posh if we had Detective Chief Inspectors here in America. I think it’s the “inspector” part that makes it sound so British. Like the police are constantly putting on a play about Sherlock Holmes.

I like the way Idris Elba’s hair looks in this show. He let it grow out a little wispy, kind of a smart-guy-rumpled look. I wish I had a smart-guy-rumpled beard, but I feel like I have more of a fatty-at-a-porn-convention beard. A stripper once touched my face and said she liked salt-and-pepper beards. I should have pulled out some salt and pepper shakers and shook them over my beard and said, “There you are, madam! Here’s a beard worth stripping for!”

In my heart-of-hearts I have to admit that the stripper was probably not into my beard, or any man’s beard. How did the heart-of-hearts system get started, anyway? Why do we need a smaller heart inside our regular heart? Is it like the boss of the heart? And why do we keep things we secretly know to be true in there? Seems like you’d want to keep that in your brain-of-brains.

Luther solves grisly crimes and tries to get back together with his wife who left him because he’s always thinking too much about fighting serial killers. Too much Batman, not enough Robin, I guess. You know Robin would totally give you a smooch when he got home from work and not talk about how the Penguin murdered the mayor with his umbrella and there was blood everywhere. Wakk! Wakk! Wakk!

Luther’s intro credits are set to “Paradise Circus” by Massive Attack. That song makes me think of kissing a Suicide Girl on an overcast day. Not that I’ve ever kissed a Suicide Girl. I saw a booth of them once at a comic convention but couldn’t think of anything good to say. “Hello tattooed pin-up girls. I see you’re all in a group here, with your clothes on. Guess that’s to be expected, with all the public nudity laws. Still, bang up job not wearing clothes on the internet. Keep up that nakedness!”

Luther is currently streaming on Netflix, the Penguin is currently at large, my heart-of-hearts is currently beating and somewhere a stripper who may or may not like salt-and-pepper beards is currently dancing at one of Atlanta’s classier strip clubs. Good night!