Tag Archives: Katniss Everdeen

Catching Fire

Catching Fire

Catching Fire is the sequel to Suzanne Collins’s “The Hunger Games”.

Last time Katniss Everdeen had to fight in The Hunger Games she pimped the system by playing the old ‘hey don’t make me kill my childhood friend Peeta – I’m pretty sure I love him’ card.

President Snow is furious because only one person is allowed to win his crazy death-match. He shows up to menace Katniss in her house and his breath smells like blood.

Well there’s your problem. If I had to pick a president for a future world, I’d go with the one that doesn’t smell like blood. Wonder how he got elected- probably stood far away from everyone. Big presidential banners everywhere: ELECT PRESIDENT SNOW I ASSURE YOU THAT BLOOD SMELL IS FROM SOMETHING ELSE.

Katniss and Peeta have to go back in the arena along with other previous winners of The Hunger Games, even though they were all promised houses and riches and to never have to fight again. They all get jumpsuits and dropped in the jungle and then Axl Rose is all like you know where you are you’re in the jungle baby you’re gonna die!

All the districts that have to give the President two kids every year for the worst episode of Double Dare ever filmed aren’t too happy about it and start to revolt. Even the guy in charge of building The Hunger Games is in on the revolution. He tries to tip Katniss off by showing her a secret watch with the mockingjay symbol of the uprising but she just says nice bird and walks off. It’s pretty tough for any character to get Katniss savvy to this whole rebellion thing- even her mentor Haymitch says ‘Hey when you’re in the arena this time don’t kill nobody. They are your secret friends.’

Cut to her in the Hunger Games arena, she’s basically waiting on the first opportunity to crack everyone’s skull with a rock. Even people who go out of their way to save her life get moved to the top of the “To Stab With A Serrated Blade” list.

Then they have to fight bad monkeys and flesh eating fog. I had an idea for a restaurant once where people pay to wait tables for monkeys. Anyone can train a monkey to wait tables but it takes a real visionary to charge people to bring steak and cigars to unruly chimps. The only thing the bad monkeys get served in Catching Fire is an arrow in their monkey faces.

Katniss can’t make up her mind about whether she really loves Peeta or her best friend Gale. Gale works in the mines and they used to hunt together illegally. Look- I’m sure if you’re a young girl it’s fun to break the rules with cute boys, but Katniss needs to let that relationship go. She barely even sees that dude anyway. It’s like carrying a torch for some guy you broke into an abandoned Dairy Queen with in 10th grade.

Peeta is clearly the best choice. They survived The Hunger Games together. Katniss is not only looking a gift horse in the mouth, she’s taking out his wisdom teeth and putting gold fronts in his grill.

If my government was trying to kill me with monkeys (your banana mash brandy, sir—will that be separate checks?) I wouldn’t spend much time wondering what boy to like.

¡Viva la Revolucion!