Tag Archives: Mad Men

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

In which Jason and Cristen Conger review the trailer for The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.

JASON

Well, Cristen—I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is there’s a race of invisible half-human/half-angels running around killing demons on our behalf. The bad news is, they think we’re totally lame. They even call us “mundanes” behind our back. So catty!

In fact, in their TV Guide’s “Cheers & Jeers” section, us humans always get Jeers. I know that your greatest fear has always been that you’d end up in the Jeers column. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that nobody reads TV Guide anymore, not even the version published by half-angel demon hunters. Also, every month they inexplicably feature Delta Burke on the cover. We get it—she’s half an angel! But the part of her that played Suzanne Sugarbaker was ALL HUMAN.

CRISTEN

I’m bowled over by your insightful connection between TV Guide reviews and the effervescent Ms. Burke because Suzanne Sugarbaker, you see, is fully the human — half-angels aren’t blessed with such voluminous décolletage; it would hamper their flame throwing and demon ass-kicking — embodiment of the Cheer AND the Jeer, the only mortal capable of straddling both ridicule and praise without breaking a sweat. Case in point: Suzanne Sugarbaker didn’t actually go by Suzanne Sugarbaker. Nope, that racially insensitive beauty queen toted around the name Suzanne Sugarbaker Goff Dent Stonecipher acknowledging all three of her failed marriages. She gave not a shit, that Suzanne.

I really wish the Designing Women writers had delved more into the character of Mr. Stonecipher, though. Not that I would ever want the spotlight cast too far away from dear Delta, but with a last name like Stonecipher, I wonder if Suzanne Sugarbaker was last married — and divorced — to some sort of wizard or warlock, not unlike those whom would be hunted down and barbequed to death by a band of Shadowhunters.

And speaking of Shadowhunters, I can’t get that spooky latte art out of my head. That ghoulish face in the cappuccino foam sent shivers down my spine! I tell you what, Jason, if I am ever contacted by half-angels from the other side, it goddamn better be through designs in hot frothed milk. What the hell else could latte art be good for anyway?!

As you can probably tell from my salty language, I get pretty steamed over latte art just like you do. I hope I haven’t hit a nerve by bringing it up.

Skyfall

Skyfall

In which Laura Straub of Vouched Books and Kate Sweeney of the True Story Reading Series discuss the trailer for twenty-third James Bond film, Skyfall.

KATE

Hi, Laura.

This preview leaves you with absolutely no idea what the plot points to expect in the associated movie. My pet peeve lies in those trailers that detail the entire movie for you, but this one goes the simpler route. Much simpler. “I am an action-adventure movie starring a handsome man!” it declares, and leaves it at that.

Mad Men | Season 4

This review contains spoilers.

I hated the first few episodes of this season. I was even thinking of giving up on it. But then they showed a really good episode followed by even better episodes until it turned out to be the best of all the Mad Men seasons. It was like they were trying to weed out the real Mad Men fans to see who’d stick with it, like hiding a gingerbread house inside of a boring old regular house.

I guess that only works if you’re a witch and you’re trying to lure children into your sugar house. You know what was crazy in the story of Hansel and Gretel? The whole house is made of candy, but the witch’s stove is regular cast iron. If you already have the ability to make a candy house why not accent your candy home with candy furnishings? You have to keep your style consistent or your house will seem Nouveau-candy-riche.

Mad Men’s turn from boring to awesome was like if you went to see a lecture on maintaining strict tomato farming guidelines (Stay True… to Tomatoes!) and then when people got bored and started to leave William Shatner came out and said, guess what- this is actually a cosplay burlesque show, I’m going to sing cover songs and the whiskey is free all night long! Isn’t that right Lionel Richie? Cue Dancing on the Ceiling.

I loved so many things about this season. Don wrote in his precious diary so much you’d think he just got into the Baby-Sitters Club. Yeah, self-reflective Don Draper! I can barely swim across this pool, should I quit drinking? Probably, Don Draper. Looked like a nice pool, though. Sir, you can’t float there motionless at the bottom of this pool, we have a strict no-visual-metaphor policy.

And then Lane Pryce gets punched in the face because of interracial dating a Playboy bunny. By his old British father, no less. Hope the old man doesn’t live long enough to see Save the Last Dance. Then Lane makes Joan a sea captain or head of operations or something. Then the internet makes a GIF of Joan’s bottom. They should add two more frames to that GIF of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s head exploding.  And then a few frames of Bell Biv Devoe not trusting her. I guess she’s about to have Roger Sterling’s baby and act like it’s her husband’s. Does everyone on this show have a secret baby or a secret about a baby?

Oh, and Peggy gets licked on the face by her lesbian arty friend. Tastes like determination to succeed in advertising, I bet. Or not telling anyone in the office about her secret baby. I like that her and Don are best of friends now, enough to throw up in the bathroom together and fall asleep drunkenly on the couch together and oops wait a minute Don just married his secretary Megan never mind friendship DOWNGRADED.

Megan is so cute, speaking French and going on vacation with Don and stuff, going to be a shame when she gets Don Draper-ed next season, you can already see him planning it in the final shot of the last episode. Don looking out the window thinking, man I can’t wait to do some 1960’s style philandering on my French speaking secretary wife in the next season of Mad Men. Maybe I’ll get her pregnant with a secret baby.

Also, I like how Don’s daughter Sally got all this extra story and attention this year but Don’s son Bobby is still doing the acting equivalent of putting a pot on your head and banging it with a spoon. They had whole episodes about Sally going to therapy and making friends with a weird neighborhood kid and then they give Bobby five seconds of screen time so he can say, “I like spaghetti!” You sure do, kid. You sure, do.