Earmuffs! Sam and Jason record an episode live from TimeGate and boy, are their mouths tired from all the cursing. We welcome Bunny Mcintosh of Melting Dolls, Everett Steele of Baby Robot Industries and Beau Brown of The New Puppet Order and Bob and Carl: Sci-Fi Janitors to discuss tolerating Stargate, the charms of Sophie Aldred and 1980’s Doctor Who. Warning: NSFW language!
Now- I would never tell a bondage porn company how to run their business, but it seems like a waste not to make a porn spoof of this show called Men In A Certain Cage. There’s your free advice, bondage porn company. Also, don’t take any wooden nickels. One time I visited the Uncle Remus museum in Eatonton, Georgia and they handed out wooden nickels at the end of the tour. Hell yeah, I took one. Do as I say, not as I do, Bre’r Rabbit.
I was sick all weekend so I decided to give Men of A Certain Age a shot. I was thinking, this show is going to be dumb I’ll just watch five minutes of the first episode then next thing you know I was having a Men of a Certain Age marathon. You now what, though? Even though I watched all the episodes I still did not click “watch all” on the DVD menu. Lets not get ahead of ourselves, DVD player. Slow and steady wins the race. Especially if it’s a race to watch all the episodes of Men of a Certain Age in one sitting. I win! Where is my trophy shaped like Ray Romano? Probably on back order behind all those people who needed them for their Everybody Loves Raymond conventions. I’ll see YOU at RaymondCon 2010!
Hate to say it, but I like Men of a Certain Age Scott Bakula better than Quantum Leap Scott Bakula. And I read the Quantum Leap novelizations in high school. And got angry when they contradicted the rules of the television show about whether Sam Beckett switches bodies when he leaps or if it’s just his mind leaping around in time. Which is it, Quantum Leap books?! This isn’t the novelization of Murder, She Wrote! Get your science right.
Is it wrong that Andre Braugher furtively stuffing Fiddle Faddle in his face trying to keep it a secret from his family made me want to run down to the grocery store and buy a box of Fiddle Faddle? Yeah, angry eating! Eat a bag of Cheetos popcorn then follow it up with a bag of cheddar & sour cream potato chips! Actually, don’t do that. I did that and then was surprised when later my stomach was all blrgghhh rarrr! Like having a damn viking on a trampoline in my belly. I bet a viking’s trampoline would have an awesome dragon’s head and you’d climb a staircase made of skulls to get on it. Bounce for the glory of ODIN my brothers! Anyway, Andre Braugher nailed it in Duets and he’s even better in Men of a Certain Age.
I couldn’t help but notice that Ray Romano’s character is a golfer who plays a lot of golf. That’s cool, Ray Romano. If I ever write my own show I’ll probably make my occupation video game tester who plays video games the best and makes out with Kristen Bell. And I’ll call it Veronica Mars Meets Mass Effect. And they will crown my show king of shows, and there will be parades and great rejoicing and peace for a thousand years.
I actually published a review of The Informant! this morning, re-read it, realized it sucked and took it down. Here’s a paragraph from that review:
Scott Bakula plays one of the FBI agents. If I ever made a sequel to Dracula I’d call it “Welcome Backula, Dracula” and cast Scott Bakula as Dracula. Enjoy it at home with a snackula.
and here’s another:
A lot of comedians play serious roles as law enforcement officers in this movie, including Paul F Tompkins and Patton Oswalt. The other night I had a dream I went to a wooden cabin where Patton Oswalt lived. We were standing on his front porch, looking at approaching thunderclouds. He said, “There’s a storm coming.” Then I woke up. Thanks for the waking sensation of nameless dread, Ratatouille.
First of all, I twittered that Scott Bakula joke months ago. It was much funnier on its own, without the “snackula” line. What the hell is a snackula?
Second of all, that WAS a pretty crazy dream. Patton Oswalt had a beautiful wife in the dream and she was nice to me and the grass was moving around all spookily in the wind under the approaching storm.
The Informant! is based on a true story and NPR did a fascinating This American Life episode on the same series of events. Matt Damon plumped up like a sausage in a sensible trench coat to play the lead role of the world’s worst FBI informant. Maybe he ate a lot of snackulas to gain weight.
Anyway, that’s about as good as it’s going to get for this review. Sometimes you get a plate of Jello shots, sometimes you get a bag of Jello powder poured directly into a bottle of vodka.
Why am I making Jello shot metaphors? Because I love sugary treats that get you drunk. I went to Medieval Times last weekend and drank a Daiquiri that costs ten whole dollars!
Then I got a brain freeze while I was looking at a suit of armor.