Tag Archives: Sigourney Weaver

Language Is A Virus Robitussin Can’t Cure: A Review Of The Trailer For Alien³

Language Is A Virus Robitussin Can’t Cure: A Review Of The Trailer For Alien³

In 1992, I was twenty-two, hard bitten before my years, and entitled to a cynicism which I didn’t rightfully earn. I looked toward an uncertain future and a horizon that scrolled further away as I came near. Will I be famous before thirty? Am I the one who will change the world? How can I get that dark haired hippie chick in the Phish t-shirt and hemp ankle bracelet’s phone number?

Ghostbusters: Ray Parker, Jr. Still Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts, Is Terrified Of Intimacy

Ghostbusters: Ray Parker, Jr. Still Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts, Is Terrified Of Intimacy

Sometimes an adult person wakes up one day to find himself in a loving, grown-up relationship with another adult person, a person who is really pretty special once you get to know her and is actually really good for the first person and has totally helped him mature a lot and get serious about starting a productive grown-up life and that, despite what the first person’s stupid idiot friends think, is not at all a horrible controlling succubus bitch who manipulates the first person’s emotions and uses them like child soldiers in an endless fucking trench war of a romantic partnership, which, now that we’re thinking about warfare analogies, likely boasts a similar body count in terms of emotional casualties as the real-life Rwandan genocide. [Ed note: Or to use a “crossing the streams” analogy, try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light, and Janine Melnitz Instagramming it. #totalprotonicreversal]

SuperCapitalist

SuperCapitalist

In which Tony Jenkins and Bryan Cole review the trailer for SuperCapitalist.

BRYAN

Sooo… isn’t the point of a trailer to show a potential audience some of the premise of a movie? All I got from the trailer for “SuperCapitalist” was animated money, slo-mo dice rolling, a “Vision Quest” run across a bridge, and yelling into cell phones with some dramatic music to tie it all together. Oh, and fire-money, lots of fire-money. Call me crazy, but I don’t think a so-called “SuperCapitalist” would be caught dead running on a public, taxpayer-paved street, let alone set fire to a briefcase full of cash. Unless, of course, the dude was about to light up 10,000 cigars. In which case, that wasn’t a briefcase full of cash; that was a briefcase full of baller-matches.