Tag Archives: The Cheetah

I Would Love A Painting Of My Butt Playing Golf: A Review Of The Trailer For Grand Theft Auto V – Franklin

I Would Love A Painting Of My Butt Playing Golf: A Review Of The Trailer For Grand Theft Auto V – Franklin

In which Jason and Patrick Best review the trailer for Grand Theft Auto V: Franklin.

JASON

Hey, Patrick.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m some kind of digital booty snob, but the strippers’ butts in this Grand Theft Auto V trailer don’t seem to be much of an improvement over the ones in Grand Theft Auto IV. Kind of feels like they just went with the butt renderings they already had instead of updating the algorithms (assgorithms?).

These butts need to get with the times! If Michelangelo had sculpted David with an ass like the ones in GTA V, he’d have been laughed out of the Sistine Chapel. Did Rockstar Games work on their butt design at all in the last five years? If I’d been drawing butts every day for the last five years, you better believe I’d be running around right now showing everybody the best drawing of a butt they’ve ever seen.

Everyone Has A Wheel: In Defense Of Summer
gotham2

Everyone Has A Wheel: In Defense Of Summer

This essay was originally written and performed for Write Club Atlanta, a monthly competitive writing event. 

Everyone has a wheel.

For some people, the wheel is a grindstone, an oppressive force pushing them down into the dirt as it turns, squeezing the air out of their lungs as it spins against their back. For others, the wheel is a puppy in a velour tracksuit, massaging their shoulders with a tender professionalism, because it is a certified massage therapist in addition to being a soft, wiggly puppy. And for some, their wheel is a grindstone in a velour tracksuit that dropped out of massage school to become a cashier at Target, a place notorious for not giving massages.