Will Ferrell is an uptight cop and Mark Wahlberg is his partner. They find a British guy and he’s bad or something. Or shady. But he’s funny and he helps them, too. Will Ferrell’s wife is beautiful but he’s rude to her. Mark Wahlberg yells a lot. A blonde woman is the CEO of a company that’s bad, or maybe sort of neutral. She wants her money but then she disappears for a long time. There is also a bad tall man. Bad tall man keeps interfering with cop business. Because he’s a businessman? I feel like I watched a bag of cotton balls put on a movie.
Today I was playing checkers with my friends at a restaurant. I was eating chicken and dumplings while we played and I had four kings on the board, so I made up a song called “Chicken and Dumplings, Here Comes the King”. Here’s how it goes:
Chicken and Dumplings/Here comes the king/Chicken and Dumplings/Here comes the king
Its got kind of a vaudeville feel to it. I was thinking that you should be able to get kinged more than once in checkers to make a Super-King. If you get kinged three times, you get a Mega-King. Mega-King can wipe out the entire board in one move with his turrets and rockets.
The Other Guys was okay until the car chase scene. I’ve never been excited by a car chase in my entire life. Oh, my car is going fast! The other car chases me! WeeeOOOhWeeee! Cop cars are chasing us now, too! Shots of cars driving! Car flips, shot of the other driver hanging upside down— HE’S OKAY, FOLKS! If I see a car chase scene in a movie, I picture a big dumb ogre in the theater eating popcorn, laughing and enjoying the car chase and putting the popcorn bucket on his head until his big dumb horns stick through the bucket. Then Mega-King comes in and they fight.
I probably won’t remember this movie after a couple of days. Sorry, cast and crew of The Other Guys. Farewell, memories of Will Ferrell acting like a fussy police officer, farewell chicken and dumplings, farewell game of checkers, farewell Mega-King, you were a ruthless and destructive sovereign. May your legacy remain until the end of time!